Debated about whether to announce this, but since we are leaving so many people at our house, maybe it's safe to say...the blog will be resting for the next week or so while Papa Rooster and I get away--somewhere warm, without cell phone service and without internet (well, free internet) for an early celebration of twenty-five years of marriage!
December 20 has always been a bad time to try to get away, and we always say, "we'll do something after the holidays." Then we never do. For this anniversary, it seemed appropriate to make sure we get it in by going early!
Papa Rooster is bringing his camera, so I should have lots of pics to post when we return.
My beach reading list:
The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Sabbath (Mark Buchanan)
Between Sundays (Karen Kingsbury) (Blondechick recommended)
Ellis Island & Other Stories (Mark Helprin)
Making Room for Life: Trading Chaotic Lifestyles for Connected Relationships (Randy Frazee) (from Papa Rooster)
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Grace
All my life, I've struggled with perfectionism. I'm a capable person; I can do many things well, and that's the way I like things--done well, done accurately, done ideally. My adult life has been something of an un-learning process. Circumstances--especially six children--have forced me to accept the less-than-ideal. Oddly enough, no other member of my family seems to really care if our house is messy or clean, whether piano lessons are practiced or not, whether we eat healthily and frugally at home or spend a fortune taking our family out to dinner. A great title for a country song about my life would be: "The Good Lord Knows I'm a Control Freak, and That's Why He Gave Me Six Children."
So these days, I muddle through, not caring as much as I used to (though I cling to the idea that, as a mom, it's part of my job description to care). For a number of years now, instead of trying so hard to "do" for my family and for God, I've been concentrating on "being" a better mom, a better wife, a better daughter of God. I pray for the fruits of the Spirit--love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control. I pray for wisdom to "be angry, but in your anger, do not sin." I tell myself, "Who I am matters more than what I do."
Every year when Lent rolls around, I look forward to it with a mixture of anticipation--that maybe this year, it will be a life-changing period of time, tranforming me into the woman I want to be--and humility--knowing that it probably won't. My life still lacks those fruits of the Spirit. In my anger, I sin--frequently. "Who I am" is not a pretty sight.
And I had an epiphany a couple weeks ago. I've tried to earn God's approval (and self-approval) by "doing," and realizing the folly in that, I've switched my energies to "being." But I'm still striving just as much, trying to make it happen, trying to whip myself into shape, and Lent has too often been an excuse to strive even more. I've failed at doing, and I've failed at being...and it hit me that what I really need is grace.
But my first reaction is to wonder: What do I do...who do I be...to know God's grace?
I know the answer. I don't have to do anything, be anything; I just have to receive it like a gift, unearned and free, given out of love.
So I am confronted with my pride. I have placed conditions on the gift. I think I should only be allowed to have the gift if I've earned it, if I'm good enough, if I deserve it. I have set the bar higher than even God would set it, if He were into that.
But He's not. He knows we all have sinned, all have fallen short, and He's done something about it, because we can't. He's covered all our failures with grace, through the sacrifice of his Son. I know this, and yet I don't feel like I'm living it.
I asked a wise friend to pray with me about this, and later, he wrote me these words:
In the end we must learn to just tell ourselves, ‘It is okay, right now. Not tomorrow when and if I get this figured out, but right now. Because right now I am forgiven and accepted.’
So that's where I'm at, right now. Telling myself I don't have to do anything or be anything, and honestly, it's an alien thought to my mind. I'm an overachiever. I push myself. That's what I do. This is not me.
Or is THAT not me?
God knows the real me, and He's speaking to me this Lent, about letting go of my pride and my expectations for myself and replacing them with Himself, His grace, His love, His affirmation. I don't think this conversion is coming easily or quickly, but I sense that the soil of my soul is being stirred up, plowed, and made ready for seed. My part seems to be to let God work and to respond with thankfulness.
Come, Lord Jesus, come.
So these days, I muddle through, not caring as much as I used to (though I cling to the idea that, as a mom, it's part of my job description to care). For a number of years now, instead of trying so hard to "do" for my family and for God, I've been concentrating on "being" a better mom, a better wife, a better daughter of God. I pray for the fruits of the Spirit--love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control. I pray for wisdom to "be angry, but in your anger, do not sin." I tell myself, "Who I am matters more than what I do."
Every year when Lent rolls around, I look forward to it with a mixture of anticipation--that maybe this year, it will be a life-changing period of time, tranforming me into the woman I want to be--and humility--knowing that it probably won't. My life still lacks those fruits of the Spirit. In my anger, I sin--frequently. "Who I am" is not a pretty sight.
And I had an epiphany a couple weeks ago. I've tried to earn God's approval (and self-approval) by "doing," and realizing the folly in that, I've switched my energies to "being." But I'm still striving just as much, trying to make it happen, trying to whip myself into shape, and Lent has too often been an excuse to strive even more. I've failed at doing, and I've failed at being...and it hit me that what I really need is grace.
But my first reaction is to wonder: What do I do...who do I be...to know God's grace?
I know the answer. I don't have to do anything, be anything; I just have to receive it like a gift, unearned and free, given out of love.
So I am confronted with my pride. I have placed conditions on the gift. I think I should only be allowed to have the gift if I've earned it, if I'm good enough, if I deserve it. I have set the bar higher than even God would set it, if He were into that.
But He's not. He knows we all have sinned, all have fallen short, and He's done something about it, because we can't. He's covered all our failures with grace, through the sacrifice of his Son. I know this, and yet I don't feel like I'm living it.
I asked a wise friend to pray with me about this, and later, he wrote me these words:
In the end we must learn to just tell ourselves, ‘It is okay, right now. Not tomorrow when and if I get this figured out, but right now. Because right now I am forgiven and accepted.’
So that's where I'm at, right now. Telling myself I don't have to do anything or be anything, and honestly, it's an alien thought to my mind. I'm an overachiever. I push myself. That's what I do. This is not me.
Or is THAT not me?
God knows the real me, and He's speaking to me this Lent, about letting go of my pride and my expectations for myself and replacing them with Himself, His grace, His love, His affirmation. I don't think this conversion is coming easily or quickly, but I sense that the soil of my soul is being stirred up, plowed, and made ready for seed. My part seems to be to let God work and to respond with thankfulness.
Come, Lord Jesus, come.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Praying for Japan
It's hard to imagine a situation such as the one in Japan right now. My life goes on as usual, and the many needs, distractions, choices and decisions of the day occupy my mind to the point that I can't even remember to pray consistently for those people on the other side of the globe who are suffering so much.
Yesterday I read a letter from the Anglican Archbishop of Japan, describing efforts made to communicate with the churches in the devastated areas. No one knows if these churches or their congregations still exist or not. He described relief efforts they are trying to organize. They sound nearly as helpless as I feel, but he ended with this paragraph:
What we can do right now, however, is pray. Prayer has power. I hope and request that you pray for the people who are affected, for those who have died and for their families. Pray for the people involved with the rescue efforts, and in particular pray for Tohoku and Kita Kanto dioceses and their priests and parishioners during this time of Lent.
After I read this, I asked B12 and Chicklet8 to stop and join me to pray for the people in Japan. We got on our knees and took turns praying earnestly out loud for families who don't know if their relatives are alive, for children who have lost parents and parents who have lost children, for families who have no homes, for relief workers trying to rescue people, for people who need rescuing and have not been found yet. After the last "Amen," the children didn't move. They stayed on their knees.
After a few moments, C8 got a pencil and went to the refrigerator, where I had hung a large sheet of paper with the title "We are thankful for...." I had hung it weeks ago, meaning to have a family meeting to invite the kids, as part of Lent, to cover it with words and phrases. But life has been too busy, or I forgot to seize the moment, and I had begun to wonder if anyone would just...begin to write on it. The title did explain it all.
Deliberately, Chicklet wrote, "My family, my friends, my home!"
Her instinct, in the midst of intercession, was to give thanks. And she was exactly right.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Phil. 4:6)
Yesterday I read a letter from the Anglican Archbishop of Japan, describing efforts made to communicate with the churches in the devastated areas. No one knows if these churches or their congregations still exist or not. He described relief efforts they are trying to organize. They sound nearly as helpless as I feel, but he ended with this paragraph:
What we can do right now, however, is pray. Prayer has power. I hope and request that you pray for the people who are affected, for those who have died and for their families. Pray for the people involved with the rescue efforts, and in particular pray for Tohoku and Kita Kanto dioceses and their priests and parishioners during this time of Lent.
After I read this, I asked B12 and Chicklet8 to stop and join me to pray for the people in Japan. We got on our knees and took turns praying earnestly out loud for families who don't know if their relatives are alive, for children who have lost parents and parents who have lost children, for families who have no homes, for relief workers trying to rescue people, for people who need rescuing and have not been found yet. After the last "Amen," the children didn't move. They stayed on their knees.
After a few moments, C8 got a pencil and went to the refrigerator, where I had hung a large sheet of paper with the title "We are thankful for...." I had hung it weeks ago, meaning to have a family meeting to invite the kids, as part of Lent, to cover it with words and phrases. But life has been too busy, or I forgot to seize the moment, and I had begun to wonder if anyone would just...begin to write on it. The title did explain it all.
Deliberately, Chicklet wrote, "My family, my friends, my home!"
Her instinct, in the midst of intercession, was to give thanks. And she was exactly right.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Phil. 4:6)
Monday, March 14, 2011
Weekend Wrap-Up
It was a big weekend at the Henhouse. Papa Rooster came home, after a week of absence--his second in a row. All this traveling on his calendar, and my inability to join him, has got us thinking about ways of celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary, coming up this December. We always say we'll get away some other part of the year, when it's not as busy as Christmas time, but then we rarely do. Or it's connected to his company's big March conference, like when we went to San Antonio last year and Orlando the year before, and that's what he just returned from. So we're thinking of celebrating early this year. We're looking online at last-minute deals, and I'm getting excited!
He returned on Friday in time to make the kids' auditions for Robin Hood, our spring musical. Wish I had time to figure out how to share video. (PR thinks it's complicated and hates doing it, which doesn't encourage me, and our teens never use the good camera, just their phones, so they're no help.) So let me describe them briefly, because they all did so well!
B12 performed the theme from The Muppet Show: "It's time to play the music/ It's time to light the lights/ It's time to meet the Muppets/ On the Muppet Show tonight!" He started out marching, walking like an Egyptian, and playing the tenor sax before the singing actually began, and he did two character voices in the middle for the two old guys in the balcony who ask, "Why do we always come here? /I guess we'll never know/ It's like a kind of torture/ To have to watch this show!" His facial expressions were hilarious throughout.
Chicklet8 performed "Do-Re-Mi" from The Sound of Music, from "Let's start at the very beginning...." After years of watching her parents help her older siblings think of movements and choreography for their audition choices, C8 hardly needed any help coming up with her own little moves and dance steps for "doe, a deer" and "ray, a drop of golden sun," and so on. She is especially good at facial expressions, and she tries hard to put expression in her voice too. She was just so darn cute! You'd never have guessed it was only her second audition.
B15 auditioned as well--his first time in over a year. He ended up using the same romantic ballad he sang last time, "Till There Was You," by the Beatles. But this time, instead of doing it straight, he decided to lighten it up unexpectedly. So he sang the first lines beautifully, "There were bells/ On a hill/ But I never heard them ringing," reaching a hand to his ear as if listening; on the next line "No, I never heard them at all," he began twisting his finger in his ear as if digging out earwax, then pulled it, examined it, and then pointed with it as he sang the next line, "Till there was you." Then he wiped it on his pants and continued on in that lighthearted, only-half-serious vein. It was great.
Both boys were called back for lead roles on Saturday, and C8 was slightly disappointed not to get a callback too, since there were three speaking parts for little children. Meanwhile, Blondechick was at a Solo and Ensemble contest as part of a trio from her school choir. They sang "Nelly Bly," a very cute arrangement, with one girl singing the melody and the other two singing "bum, bum; bum, bum" as accompaniment. The judge had almost nothing but good things to say, and they are going on to the State competition in May!
BC showed me a video of her trio that her friend had put on Facebook, and I asked as I listened, "Are you in the middle?" BC knew I was referring to the vocals, but B15, the true "blonde" of the family, said, "Mom, I can't believe you don't recognize your own daughter!" Oh, B15....
But maybe that "blondeness" helped him get the role of Little John! In the script, Little John is rather a simpleton, and B15 came home from callbacks feeling that he had done especially well at that part. He'll have a fair amount of singing to do, too, and has to sing in his head voice in one song, as a gypsy woman pretending to tell fortunes. B12 is a Merry Man--a short one--which means he'll spend a lot of time on stage and get to sing and sword-fight! And Chicklet was delighted to be cast, after all, in the speaking part she had wanted; she is Cindy, one of the Widow's children. (I have no idea how such an anachronistic name worked its way into this medieval show, but there it is.)
On Sunday, our church sponsored a concert with the Lenten theme of "Dust." It was a new work, a song-cyle for soprano, string quartet and live electronics, based on seven poems that our worship leader wrote over a period of years while she was living in Israel at different times. It had a meditative and modern sound, with a classical feel. The soprano had a beautiful operatic voice, the string parts were full of dissonances and some beautiful resolutions, and the electronic sounds--mostly words and parts of words--served to reinforce the themes and images of the poems, which were about our humanity and our smallness: "We are but dust." The concert was well-attended by many besides those in our congregation, mostly those who knew someone involved in the project, so it was good exposure for our little church and blessed many people, I believe. To God be the glory!
B12 performed the theme from The Muppet Show: "It's time to play the music/ It's time to light the lights/ It's time to meet the Muppets/ On the Muppet Show tonight!" He started out marching, walking like an Egyptian, and playing the tenor sax before the singing actually began, and he did two character voices in the middle for the two old guys in the balcony who ask, "Why do we always come here? /I guess we'll never know/ It's like a kind of torture/ To have to watch this show!" His facial expressions were hilarious throughout.
Chicklet8 performed "Do-Re-Mi" from The Sound of Music, from "Let's start at the very beginning...." After years of watching her parents help her older siblings think of movements and choreography for their audition choices, C8 hardly needed any help coming up with her own little moves and dance steps for "doe, a deer" and "ray, a drop of golden sun," and so on. She is especially good at facial expressions, and she tries hard to put expression in her voice too. She was just so darn cute! You'd never have guessed it was only her second audition.
B15 auditioned as well--his first time in over a year. He ended up using the same romantic ballad he sang last time, "Till There Was You," by the Beatles. But this time, instead of doing it straight, he decided to lighten it up unexpectedly. So he sang the first lines beautifully, "There were bells/ On a hill/ But I never heard them ringing," reaching a hand to his ear as if listening; on the next line "No, I never heard them at all," he began twisting his finger in his ear as if digging out earwax, then pulled it, examined it, and then pointed with it as he sang the next line, "Till there was you." Then he wiped it on his pants and continued on in that lighthearted, only-half-serious vein. It was great.
Both boys were called back for lead roles on Saturday, and C8 was slightly disappointed not to get a callback too, since there were three speaking parts for little children. Meanwhile, Blondechick was at a Solo and Ensemble contest as part of a trio from her school choir. They sang "Nelly Bly," a very cute arrangement, with one girl singing the melody and the other two singing "bum, bum; bum, bum" as accompaniment. The judge had almost nothing but good things to say, and they are going on to the State competition in May!
BC showed me a video of her trio that her friend had put on Facebook, and I asked as I listened, "Are you in the middle?" BC knew I was referring to the vocals, but B15, the true "blonde" of the family, said, "Mom, I can't believe you don't recognize your own daughter!" Oh, B15....
But maybe that "blondeness" helped him get the role of Little John! In the script, Little John is rather a simpleton, and B15 came home from callbacks feeling that he had done especially well at that part. He'll have a fair amount of singing to do, too, and has to sing in his head voice in one song, as a gypsy woman pretending to tell fortunes. B12 is a Merry Man--a short one--which means he'll spend a lot of time on stage and get to sing and sword-fight! And Chicklet was delighted to be cast, after all, in the speaking part she had wanted; she is Cindy, one of the Widow's children. (I have no idea how such an anachronistic name worked its way into this medieval show, but there it is.)
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Listening
Lots of things percolating inside, so far this Lent (and before). Nothing really ready to share, but God has been stirring up my questions and thoughts about...
--grace
--rest
--gratitude and its relation to grace and joy
--affirmation
--rest
--priorities
--appreciation
--what it means to love God, love others, and love myself--and be loved
--smallness
Everything I'm reading and listening to just seems to keep bringing up these same ideas, like a merry-go-round ride where you keep sweeping past the same guy in the red hat, and there's the same lady holding onto a stroller....
--grace
--rest
--gratitude and its relation to grace and joy
--affirmation
--rest
--priorities
--appreciation
--what it means to love God, love others, and love myself--and be loved
--smallness
Everything I'm reading and listening to just seems to keep bringing up these same ideas, like a merry-go-round ride where you keep sweeping past the same guy in the red hat, and there's the same lady holding onto a stroller....
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Ash Wednesday, Late
Should have planned farther ahead for an Ash Wednesday post! But as so often happens, life crowded out blogging. Today we had orthodontist appointments--plural--not just B12's usual adjustment, but an evaluation for Chicklet, the next messy mouth in line--and a doctor appointment for B6's weird skin thing going on around his eye. Last night the spring session of theater classes started up again, and I'm teaching Drama 1, a basic acting class with a theme of portraying animal characters. It was so fun to be back in the saddle again...or should I say, back in the classroom. After all, I majored in Elementary Education because I enjoy teaching! The subject matter is new to me, but after one night...I can tell this is going to be fun.
So, Facebook to the rescue! A friend of a friend recommended two articles on Ash Wednesday and Lent, and I commend them to you as well.
So, Facebook to the rescue! A friend of a friend recommended two articles on Ash Wednesday and Lent, and I commend them to you as well.
Lent is a call to weep for what we could have been and are not. Lent is the grace to grieve for what we should have done and did not. Lent is the opportunity to change what we ought to change but have not. Lent is not about penance. Lent is about becoming, doing and changing whatever it is that is blocking the fullness of life in us right now.
Lent is a summons to live anew.
from Ash Wednesday and Lent: Beginning Again Always, by Sister Joan Chittister
Lent reminds us of whose we are. The "sacrifices," the disciplines, these are not intended as good works offered by us to God; rather, they are God's gifts to us to remind us who we are, God's adopted daughters and sons, God's treasure, so priceless that God was willing to go to any length -- or, more appropriately, to any depth -- to tell us that we are loved, that we have value, that we have purpose.
from The Trouble (And Blessing) of Lent, by David Lose
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Still Here
I'm still here...
...recovering and catching up from Willy Wonka, homeschooling, keeping up with the laundry, buying groceries, cleaning the house, driving kids and doing errands--in roughly that order.
Papa Rooster has been traveling, but the single parenting demands weren't bad while he was gone. I did less cooking than usual, and said yes to lunch with a friend and our church ladies' night at the downtown coffee bar.
I've helped B12, Chicklet and B15 pick out audition songs and start practicing. Auditions are next Friday, for Robin Hood! One of our favorites. It was our family's first show in our old theater group--and actually that chapter's first show too--and only Blondechick was in it. I am thrilled for my boys to get to do it now!
I've been busy trying to nail down dates for everything known and unknown for the next...oh...4 months or so. B15 's school event schedule is a lot more complicated to manage than that of the younger ones, when we're looking at mandatory rehearsals for the next ten weeks, unless you get excused up front. Papa Rooster and I have been discussing a getaway for the two of us and looking at dates...and we've got a graduation coming up in May, too. Not to mention Holy Week services to plan around and for.
We've been reading. I finished reading aloud to the younger kids On The Banks of Plum Creek. They are loving Laura Ingalls Wilder's autobiographical series of pioneer life and the Western frontier, so we started the next one immediately. (I have recently met some adults who've never read these or introduced them to their kids. Please don't be one of them!)
I finished this audiobook, recommended by A Circle of Quiet:
I don't know if it was the reader's French accent, or the author's mischievous streak or his intriguing personal history, but The Apprentice: My Life in the Kitchen was an absolutely delightful book about much more than food. Although if it had just been about food, it would still have been fascinating. I was surprised how much I thoroughly enjoyed this autobiography!
I also discovered that we own True Grit, although our copy was in a pile of books to donate, probably owing to the unattractive picture on the book jacket which makes it look like it's set in the French Middle Ages instead of the American West. Our boys never made it past that cover, but I decided to give it a chance and so far, I'm enjoying it. The movie is supposed to be good--anyone seen it?
Okay, back to life...
...recovering and catching up from Willy Wonka, homeschooling, keeping up with the laundry, buying groceries, cleaning the house, driving kids and doing errands--in roughly that order.
Papa Rooster has been traveling, but the single parenting demands weren't bad while he was gone. I did less cooking than usual, and said yes to lunch with a friend and our church ladies' night at the downtown coffee bar.
I've helped B12, Chicklet and B15 pick out audition songs and start practicing. Auditions are next Friday, for Robin Hood! One of our favorites. It was our family's first show in our old theater group--and actually that chapter's first show too--and only Blondechick was in it. I am thrilled for my boys to get to do it now!
I've been busy trying to nail down dates for everything known and unknown for the next...oh...4 months or so. B15 's school event schedule is a lot more complicated to manage than that of the younger ones, when we're looking at mandatory rehearsals for the next ten weeks, unless you get excused up front. Papa Rooster and I have been discussing a getaway for the two of us and looking at dates...and we've got a graduation coming up in May, too. Not to mention Holy Week services to plan around and for.
We've been reading. I finished reading aloud to the younger kids On The Banks of Plum Creek. They are loving Laura Ingalls Wilder's autobiographical series of pioneer life and the Western frontier, so we started the next one immediately. (I have recently met some adults who've never read these or introduced them to their kids. Please don't be one of them!)
I finished this audiobook, recommended by A Circle of Quiet:
I don't know if it was the reader's French accent, or the author's mischievous streak or his intriguing personal history, but The Apprentice: My Life in the Kitchen was an absolutely delightful book about much more than food. Although if it had just been about food, it would still have been fascinating. I was surprised how much I thoroughly enjoyed this autobiography!
I also discovered that we own True Grit, although our copy was in a pile of books to donate, probably owing to the unattractive picture on the book jacket which makes it look like it's set in the French Middle Ages instead of the American West. Our boys never made it past that cover, but I decided to give it a chance and so far, I'm enjoying it. The movie is supposed to be good--anyone seen it?
Okay, back to life...
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