Friday, December 18, 2009

A Season of Waiting

Waiting. Hoping. Watching for the light to arise in the darkness. Preparing the way of the Lord. Preparing ourselves--having oil in our lamps.

These Advent themes fit my life right now. I'm in a confusing season, with more question marks than answers in view. I'm struggling with questions of what God is calling me to do, beyond the calls of wife, mother, neighbor, church leader, friend--or whether He isn't. I have mixed feelings about working, and mixed feelings about homeschooling. I have more questions than answers right now about education in general, my kids' needs in particular, and my own limitations as a teacher. There are questions about my health which have been addressed by comfortingly negative tests. Yet the symptoms remain.

Answers remain elusive, and I am stuck waiting. Hoping. In darkness, praying for light. Praying for The Light to break through into my restless, questioning heart. Wondering how to prepare my heart for that epiphany. Wondering how best to fill my lamp. Seeking solace in service this season as I shop, wrap, cook, bake, launder, chauffeur, clean, serve. Listening.

And waiting, in the dark.

2 comments:

MomCO3 said...

Bless you, Jeanne. And what a liturgically fitting time to be waiting!
Annie

Anne Kennedy said...

I'm really glad you're writing more. Its a huge encouragement to me to read where you are and what you're dealing with. I just had a prayer answered this week--a prayer I've been praying for 5 years. I didn't think God was listening to me, but he was. Happy Advent.