Life Right Now

Family and friends, virtual and real-life, I would so appreciate your prayers right now.

I am in the middle of a situation that has been gradually unfolding, and it has progressively confused and disoriented me. I should find out more, sometime this week, about what is really going on, but until then, I am experiencing anxiety like I have rarely ever had, especially over such a prolonged period. I am blessed to be one of those people without much of a tendency toward depression, but this situation has definitely been "pressing down" on me.

So it's been hard to blog lately. Normally, I use my blog to record what's going on in my life and how I see God working around me, in our family and in our church. Writing helps me process my own feelings about the difficult things, like letting B14 go to school, or my miscarriage 18 months ago. And it is so encouraging when others lend a sympathetic ear and offer up prayers for me in those situations.

But this is something I can't discuss publicly, and it's the big thing going on right now for me. I wish I could write honestly and openly about it. I have written in my private journal, to explore my feelings and to hear God's words in response to my heart-cries. And I have been so grateful for Papa Rooster's love and support.

God is working in me through these hard circumstances, teaching me things about myself and about His nature. The last two sermons I heard at church, from Papa Rooster and from Phil, both really spoke to me about my exact situation. One word for me was that when our pride is wounded, it means Christ is teaching us to be more like Him in his humility. Another was about how when we strive to get what we think we need, with hands clenched on to those things, we are actually unable to receive, openhandedly, the things God is trying to give to us. So I am trying to humbly surrender this situation and hold my hands open and upward toward God. I won't say it's easy, especially when I feel wronged, but I am clinging to Christ and to these guideposts right now. May the Lord's mercy and grace fill me.

I am also grieving for a friend whose mother died last week of cancer.

And I am really bummed to see summer coming to an end. I am not one of those people who love autumn--I find it a depressing time of year in the best of circumstances.

There. Now that I got all that off my chest, maybe I'll feel more freedom to blog about other things without feeling like a pretender! Thanks in advance for your prayers, you who faithfully pray for me. (Mom, Dad and my aunts come to mind, plus friends from churches old and new...I so appreciate you all!)

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Hey, when I just looked up Phil and Lisa's blog to link to, I discovered pictures of Phil's ordination at Light of Christ two weeks ago! (Duh, I guess!) Papa Rooster and Randy Y, the other deacon we ordained, are in them too.