Advice Column--Contributors Welcome!

A friend of my husband's has asked us for suggestions on what to do with their 15 month old who screams at the top of his lungs when he doesn't get his way. I don't plan to make this kind of thing a regular feature, but since I have to think about it and write it up anyway, just thought I'd post it.

First off, I've never dealt with this exactly, so if anyone has any experience or ideas to offer, please Comment at the bottom!

Also, I do know of cases where a child screamed and screamed because of allergies or a sensory disorder. The following remarks are assuming that Dave is right in his assessment that his son is screaming "because he's not getting his own way."

So, without knowing the specifics of the situation, here's me rushing in where angels fear to tread....

Dave,

The fact that you're not letting him get his way is a very good thing! Dr. James Dobson has said that there are two things that you must teach a child before his 2nd (3rd?) birthday, and they are, "I love you more than you can understand, and because I love you so much, I must teach you to obey me." [not an exact quote] Another piece of relevant wisdom comes from Susanna Wesley (mother of 14? living children and of John and Charles Wesley who started the Methodist Church). She had two things that she taught her children before they were a year old, and one of them, I remember, was "to cry quietly." (I've always wondered how she did that, though!)

Here's the first thing I would try: As soon as he takes a big breath to start screaming, say "No!" very sharply and glare at him. You may surprise him out of it, if you can catch him before he gets going. He may even have an epiphany of realizing that he has an option not to scream. Try distracting him right away with something new to hold or look at.

If that doesn't work, I'd pick him up, hold him tight and croon in his ear, "No, no...no screaming." You could even tell him, "You need to say 'Yes, Daddy. Can you say that? Let's say that--'Yes Daddy'" or "Can I hear you cry quietly? I know you're sad/mad; it's okay to cry, but can you show me how you do it quietly?" But--if he's just pitching an angry fit, then I'd put him in his crib till he wears himself out--and go in and get him as soon as he stops. (If he's climbing out of his crib already, you could use a Pack'N'Play or just put him in his childproofed room and close the door.)

If you're in public, one thing I've done to teach them to sit quietly on my lap (like in church) is: when I've made it clear that they're to be quiet, but they start getting noisy, I press my fingertips into the back of their leg right up near the diaper, through their clothes. It's just uncomfortable enough to get their attention. I don't want them thinking that they don't have to listen to me, since I can't really discipline them in that setting, and this usually interrupts the noise they were working up to. Of course, you also have to keep them supplied with things to hold, chew on and look at if you expect quiet in that kind of setting.

You asked for book recommendations. I'd say my number one choice for wisdom that is loving, no-nonsense, spiritually sound and practical is Hints on Child Training, by H. Clay Trumbull. It was originally published in 1890 and has stood the test of time. It is not a "my way is God's way" kind of a book, either. There are other books I could recommend, that I've learned lots from, but unfortunately they come across that way and I'd hesitate to recommend any of them without knowing you'd read all of them, for balance! Oh, the one other classic I can think of to recommend is Dr. Dobson's Dare to Discipline--I think the new version is called The New Dare To Discipline.

Well, HTH!! Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em and train 'em, train 'em, train 'em--with God's help!