30 Days of Nothing--Update

Well, I said here that we weren't going to participate by buying nothing...but as it has turned out, we've been so busy beginning a new homeschooling year, a new musical, and a new writing class (which I'm teaching), that I haven't had time to set foot in any store but Aldi since the month began (oh, and Panera, while I wait for my kids during rehearsals). We sure haven't been eating as well as Tonia though--this month I'm sooooo grateful for frozen pizza, prepared bags of salad and baby carrots, and kids old enough to make their own soup and sandwiches. (Poor Papa Rooster--to get what he considers a real meal, we've had to order pizza twice.)

Actually, we're not eating that badly. I suppose I also am grateful for the organic veggie subscription we bought for the harvest season, because I've been forced to do something with the veggies, though I haven't had much time for it this month! Last week I made potato, leek and onion soup from scratch, and it was delish. This week we had spaghetti squash with tomatoes, onions, and eggplant--all of it organic--and though the kids had to bury it in Parmesan cheese to make it palatable, I kept thinking how good it was for us! We've had so many fresh heirloom-variety tomatoes that we're beginning to tire of them, and I've even had to throw some out.

That strikes me as a metaphor for the abundance we enjoy in our society. We have so much that we take what we have for granted, then tire of it and throw it away. I said that this month we were going to pay attention to what we were paying for, if nothing else, but I've also found myself paying attention to what we're throwing out (actually, giving to charity). In late August, after our summer guest moved out of "the junk room," I began a decluttering project that was interrupted by our Labor Day weekend trip. Since then, I've only been able to work on it in moments here and there. But it sure has got me thinking about the "back door" of consumerism:

Learning how to get rid of our possessions has become as much a part of homemaking as cooking and cleaning. Spring and fall cleaning, for most of us, now means "decluttering." Look at the popularity of Flylady's 27 Fling Boogie! Giving away and throwing away things is a survival skill American parents have to teach their children, in order to keep them from being overwhelmed by all. their. stuff. Does this seem as wrong to you as it does to me? Why don't we just buy less stuff in the first place?

One of the most helpful things I read when I was a newer parent was Clay Trumbull's hundred-year-old book, Hints on Child's Training. In a chapter called "Denying a Child Wisely," he says:

One of the hardest and one of the most important things in the training of a loved child is to deny him that which he longs for, and which we could give to him, but which he would better not have.

It is very pleasant to gratify a child. There is real enjoyment in giving to him what he asks for, when we can do it prudently. But wise withholding is quite as important as generous giving in the proper care of a child.

If in childhood one is taught to deny himself, to yield gracefully much that he longs for, to enjoy the little that he can have in spite of the lack of a great deal which he would like to have, his lot will be an easier and happier one, when he comes to the realities of maturer life...

It is not that a child is to be denied what he wants, merely for the sake of the denial itself; but it is that a child ought not to have what he wants merely because he wants it.

As a child, my parents said no to me all the time, it seemed--and I'm grateful. Now, I say no to my kids far more often than they like to hear, more often than their friends seem to hear it--and probably not as often as I should, for I certainly struggle with sorting out our "needs" from our "wants." But I hope one day my kids will be grateful that I said no as often as I did. I hope they'll be able to be content with little and generous with the rest.

I read with interest Tonia's most recent update on her 30 Days of Nothing experience. She admits that it has been hard to keep the needs of the poor in mind, while she is trying to break her own selfishness and "self-numbing materialism." I confess that the plight of the poor--though it deeply saddens, even haunts, me--is not a great motivator for me in this area. It's just too far removed to think that foregoing ice cream cones for my kids will really make a difference in the world situation. (I know no one's saying it will.)

But foregoing that stop for treats because it's best for my kids is much more of an incentive to me. Do I want to model that eating out is a regular thing, or a rare thing? Do I look for excuses to run to Target--or stock up when I'm there, in order to avoid going shopping so often? Do we buy everything new, or look first in the resale shops? Do we stick to the list, or fill up the cart with impulse purchases? My kids are watching...and learning.

We know a young couple that is expecting a baby. They are living on a shoestring while he's in grad school, and they are consciously cultivating a mindset of not "needing" things. (I believe their ideology has grown partly out of their travels to third world countries.) She's worn the same maternity dress nearly every day for the past few months, her mom said; she just rinses it out at night and it dries by morning. She doesn't think she needs more than that one outfit! She didn't register anywhere for baby gifts. She told her mom that they have 4 outfits and a blanket--that and some diapers are all they'll really need, she thinks. (Her mom told her a baby can go through 4 outfits in an afternoon, of course.)

They've clearly got some learning ahead of them, and they're going to have their struggles. But poor financial stewardship, "comfort spending" and worrying about too much clutter probably won't be among them! They may be a little idealistic, but I truly admire their low-need, simple way of looking at life.

The 30 Days of Nothing has got me thinking--a lot--about year-round choices and habits, and especially how they affect the next generation.