Right On

If you are a homeschooling mom, you've got to read this post. Talk about convicting! And so absolutely RIGHT. I'm linking to it partly just so I'll remember to reread this often.

(I'd like to tell her how much I appreciated this, but coudn't find an email link anywhere on her site. Does anyone know how to contact Mrs. Mental Multi-Vitamin?)

Generation M

One of the biggest challenges for our family, as our kids have gotten older, has been to decide how much access to media our teens and pre-teens are going to be allowed to have. In today's world, we can't ban technology from our lives, nor do we want to--and yet, it's been difficult to decide how much of a good thing we should allow them--and ourselves.

The media rules in our home include the following. In general, we don't watch TV and we only watch movies on the weekends. The screen is OFF on Monday through Thursday and limited on weekends. We don't have any video games and just a few computer games, which the boys are allowed to play only if their other work is done, and they are supposed to read an hour for every half hour they play games. (This rule needs to be better enforced, but that is the guideline, and they know it.) We encourage listening to music and audio books.

Managing the Internet has been our biggest challenge, though. Since we homeschool, it is a way that our 13-year-old daughter keeps in touch with her friends. They email and IM (instant message) each other, and set up profiles on different sites where they can post pictures and leave comments for each other. Some of them even have blogs. (Internet safety issues are a topic unto themselves which I'm not going to go into here, except to say that we're hyper-vigilant.)

You've all heard about the frog in a pot of water who can be boiled to death without awareness if the temperature of the water increases slowly enough. Well, the way that media becomes a bigger and bigger part of anyone's life--but especially children's lives--can be the same way. It happened that way with our kids. First an email account, so they could practice their keyboarding skills by emailing their grandparents and a few friends. Then how to Google for information--and soon they had favorite websites like the Lego and American Girl sites. Before long they were no longer asking if they could get on the computer, but just hopping on, so we had to set up passwords so they had to go back to asking. Then, maybe at a friend's house, they set up an IM account and soon they're IM'ing whenever they get a chance and constantly fooling with their profile, their "away" message--it goes on and on.

We've had to put time limits on how much they're allowed to be on the computer, and according to them, an hour a day is not enough. Now they think they need cell phones and iPods--and we're asking ourselves "What is going on here?"

This article explains what is going on, all across the country:

Fifteen years ago, most home computers weren't even linked to the Internet. In 1990 the majority of adolescents responding to a survey done by Donald Roberts, a professor of communication at Stanford, said the one medium they couldn't live without was a radio/CD player. How quaint. In a 2004 follow-up, the computer won hands down.

Today 82% of kids are online by the seventh grade, according to the Pew Internet and American Life Project. And what they love about the computer, of course, is that it offers the radio/CD thing and so much more--games, movies, e-mail, IM, Google, MySpace. The big finding of a 2005 survey of Americans ages 8 to 18 by the Kaiser Family Foundation, co-authored by Roberts, is not that kids were spending a larger chunk of time using electronic media--that was holding steady at 6.5 hours a day (could it possibly get any bigger?)--but that they were packing more media exposure into that time: 8.5 hours' worth, thanks to "media multitasking"--listening to iTunes, watching a DVD and IMing friends all at the same time. Increasingly, the media-hungry members of Generation M, as Kaiser dubbed them, don't just sit down to watch a TV show with their friends or family. From a quarter to a third of them, according to the survey, say they simultaneously absorb some other medium "most of the time" while watching TV, listening to music, using the computer or even while reading.

Some implications:

As for multitasking devices, social scientists and educators are just beginning to assess their impact, but the researchers already have some strong opinions. The mental habit of dividing one's attention into many small slices has significant implications for the way young people learn, reason, socialize, do creative work and understand the world. Although such habits may prepare kids for today's frenzied workplace, many cognitive scientists are positively alarmed by the trend. "Kids that are instant messaging while doing homework, playing games online and watching TV, I predict, aren't going to do well in the long run," says Jordan Grafman, chief of the cognitive neuroscience section at the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke (NINDS). Decades of research (not to mention common sense) indicate that the quality of one's output and depth of thought deteriorate as one attends to ever more tasks. Some are concerned about the disappearance of mental downtime to relax and reflect. Roberts notes Stanford students "can't go the few minutes between their 10 o'clock and 11 o'clock classes without talking on their cell phones. It seems to me that there's almost a discomfort with not being stimulated--a kind of 'I can't stand the silence.'"

Gen M's multitasking habits have social and psychological implications as well. If you're IMing four friends while watching That '70s Show, it's not the same as sitting on the couch with your buddies or your sisters and watching the show together. Or sharing a family meal across a table. Thousands of years of evolution created human physical communication--facial expressions, body language--that puts broadband to shame in its ability to convey meaning and create bonds. What happens, wonders UCLA's Ochs, as we replace side-by-side and eye-to-eye human connections with quick, disembodied e-exchanges? Those are critical issues not just for social scientists but for parents and teachers trying to understand--and do right by--Generation M.

Some fascinating brain research:

When people try to perform two or more related tasks either at the same time or alternating rapidly between them, errors go way up, and it takes far longer--often double the time or more--to get the jobs done than if they were done sequentially, says David E. Meyer, director of the Brain, Cognition and Action Laboratory at the University of Michigan: "The toll in terms of slowdown is extremely large--amazingly so." Meyer frequently tests Gen M students in his lab, and he sees no exception for them, despite their "mystique" as master multitaskers. "The bottom line is that you can't simultaneously be thinking about your tax return and reading an essay, just as you can't talk to yourself about two things at once," he says. "If a teenager is trying to have a conversation on an e-mail chat line while doing algebra, she'll suffer a decrease in efficiency, compared to if she just thought about algebra until she was done. People may think otherwise, but it's a myth. With such complicated tasks [you] will never, ever be able to overcome the inherent limitations in the brain for processing information during multitasking. It just can't be, any more than the best of all humans will ever be able to run a one-minute mile."

Other research shows the relationship between stimulation and performance forms a bell curve: a little stimulation--whether it's coffee or a blaring soundtrack--can boost performance, but too much is stressful and causes a fall-off. In addition, the brain needs rest and recovery time to consolidate thoughts and memories. Teenagers who fill every quiet moment with a phone call or some kind of e-stimulation may not be getting that needed reprieve. Habitual multitasking may condition their brain to an overexcited state, making it difficult to focus even when they want to.

A helpful perspective for parents of teenagers:

The online environment, she points out, "is less risky if you are lonely and afraid of intimacy, which is almost a definition of adolescence. Things get too hot, you log off, while in real time and space, you have consequences." Teen venues like MySpace, Xanga and Facebook--and the ways kids can personalize their IM personas--meet another teen need: the desire to experiment with identity. By changing their picture, their "away" message, their icon or list of favorite bands, kids can cycle through different personalities. "Online life is like an identity workshop," says Turkle, "and that's the job of adolescents--to experiment with identity."

All that is probably healthy, provided that parents set limits on where their kids can venture online, teach them to exercise caution and regulate how much time they can spend with electronics in general. The problem is that most parents don't. According to the Kaiser survey, only 23% of seventh- to 12th-graders say their family has rules about computer activity; just 17% say they have restrictions on video-game time.

The bottom line:

For all the handwringing about Generation M, technology is not really the problem. "The problem," says Hallowell, "is what you are not doing if the electronic moment grows too large"--too large for the teenager and too large for those parents who are equally tethered to their gadgets. In that case, says Hallowell, "you are not having family dinner, you are not having conversations, you are not debating whether to go out with a boy who wants to have sex on the first date, you are not going on a family ski trip or taking time just to veg. It's not so much that the video game is going to rot your brain, it's what you are not doing that's going to rot your life."

Generation M has a lot to teach parents and teachers about what new technology can do. But it's up to grownups to show them what it can't do, and that there's life beyond the screen.

Aye. And that's harder than it ought to be, I think.

Anyone else dealing with this issue?

Kids and Humor

It's a great thing to get a little kid to really belly laugh. It's so contagious...and they can keep it up indefinitely. Bitty Bantam (14 months) was "bothering" me just now as I was trying to type. He kept handing me a toy, then taking it back, dropping it, picking it up, handing it back to me, and repeating the cycle. Then he handed me a plastic bowl, and--trying to play with him without giving him my full attention--I put it on his head. He laughed, so I did it again. He laughed harder, and then I recalled a never-fail baby belly-laugh-getter--I put it on my head, tipped my head forward, and let it slide off into my hands. He cracked up so hard he couldn't remain standing.

So of course I did it again and again, until I realized he was way overdue for a nap, plus I was running out of time to finish what I was doing. So I scooped him up and made a pit stop in the kitchen for a wet paper towel to dab at the crusties under his nose, an activity usually guaranteed to bring irritated wails. But not today. He was still giggling from the bowl trick, so he decided he could be amused at the first dab. That made me chuckle, so we proceeded to chuckle and giggle our way through the whole snot-removal process--and he went to bed without a protest and with a smile on his face.

That reminded me of the time that my two middle boys were getting shots at the doctor, and they both were so nervous they gave each other a case of the uncontrolled giggles that not even the puncture of the needle could stop. Oh, they whooped a little at that, but just kept right on laughing, even through the second jabs. The nurse said she'd never seen anything like it.

Oh, the power of humor, especially with kids! Why don't I harness it more often??

My Fourth Grade Poetry Muse

In honor of National Poetry Month (coming up in April), which happens to be the theme of an upcoming Carnival of Children's Literature, and because I've been wanting to post this poem, let me tell you about my 4th grade teacher.

Miss Hackenbracht was one of my favorite teachers ever. Not because she was so nice--many of the kids thought she was mean. Not because she taught such memorable lessons--I remember very few of them. Certainly not because of her name--I remember we spent the first week of school drilling on its proper spelling.

But I loved Miss Hackenbracht because she was a great teacher--and because she read poetry to us. It wasn't even her area, as I recall. I know she taught us social studies and science, because I remember the planets drawn in colored chalk on her board and I remember going outside to place one hand on her little white Mustang and the other on a big black car she had parked next to, to see which had reflected or absorbed the heat. I also remember drawing a cartoon about producers, middlemen and consumers of milk from an imaginary dairy farm complete with cartoon cows, as an assignment for her. Another teacher, I distinctly remember, taught reading, spelling and grammar to us--but they must have let Miss Hackenbracht teach us writing, and she mostly taught us to write poetry.

It was from her that I first heard of a cinquain and a haiku, or tried my hand at writing one, working my way up to a ballad which was probably the crowning jewel of my 4th grade year, a cowboy's ode to his horse called "Boastin' 'Bout Good Ol' Lightnin.' " She started us out, I remember, with the ongoing game of "terse verse." Like "What is a rosy washing place? A pink sink!" The "center puzzler?" The "middle riddle!" My best friend and I would banter them back and forth all during lunch and recess, trying to stump each other.

Miss Hackenbracht would always make it seem like a great privilege--IF we had a few minutes left before it was time to go to lunch, or go to our next class, or get on the bus--to get to listen to poetry. She never read from a poetry book that I recall, but from a poetry notebook which she had compiled of her favorite poems, and she would insist upon absolute stillness while she read. If anyone made a sound she would instantly stop, look around slowly with a narrow-eyed stare, and wait an eternity before continuing. If it happened twice, she'd put the notebook away.

My favorites were the funny ones. We all loved "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout, who would not take the garbage out" and I can still recall phrases like "And so it piled up to the ceilings--coffee grounds, potato peelings..." and "...from Memphis to the Golden Gate, till Sarah met an awful fate, which I cannot right now relate, because the hour is much too late..." (You must read the whole clever and hilarious poem here.)

Someone gave us Where the Sidewalk Ends when our first child was born, so I've been able to enjoy "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout" for years with my own children. But another poem that Miss H used to read to us has haunted me, because for years I've been able to recall so much of it, but I could never find it in any anthologies. Then, since starting this blog and becoming more attuned to the vast capacities of search engines, it occurred to me to Google on a few lines...and lo and behold!...the poem I had not heard in entirety in thirty years leaped off the computer screen at me.

So, with a hat tip to Miss Hackenbracht (and with enduring thanks for launching me in my love affair with the cadence of well-chosen words), here's my 4th grade favorite:

The Mortifying Mistake
by Anna Maria Pratt

I studied my tables over and over
And backward and forward too
But I couldn't remember six times nine
And I didn't know what to do
'Til my sister told me to play with my doll
And not to bother my head
"If you call her 'Fifty-four' for awhile
You'll learn it by heart', she said.

So I took my favorite, Mary Anne,
Though I thought 'twas a dreadful shame
To give such a perfectly lovely child
Such a perfectly horrible name,
And I called her my dear little Fifty-four
A hundred times 'til I knew
The answer of six times nine
As well as the answer of two times two.

Next day, Elizabeth Wigglesworth,
Who always acts so proud
Said, "Six times nine is fifty-two,
And I nearly laughed out loud
But I wished I hadn't when teacher said,
"Now Dorothy, tell if you can."
For I thought of my doll and sakes alive!
I answered, "Mary Anne!"

Smells to High Heaven

"Do you know your farts go up to heaven?" I overheard Bantam 10.75 saying, obnoxiously, to Bantam 15.

"WHAT?" I thundered from the computer.

He walked into my sight line, smiling sheepishly. "Did you really say that?" I asked. "Why?"

Shrugging, he reiterated, "Well, they don't stop. They just keep going."

I shook my head in amused disapproval. "But why were you saying that?"

He shrugged again.

"Were you trying to get him to stop?"

"Well, yeah!" (Duh!)

Hannibal, Here We Come

So, have you all been waiting with bated breath to find out what parts our kids got in the play? The cast list was supposed to be up yesterday after 4:00, but then a friend called, in the midst of the rush to find shoes and get out the door to church, to tell my daughter that it was up already! So of course we all had to pore over that (quickly, quickly...)--and came away scratching our heads, all the way to church.

The director cast the tallest boy who auditioned--who most recently was Daddy Warbucks in ANNIE--as Tom Sawyer. Huck Finn is one of the older boys as well. Both boys have deep voices. This theater group has plenty of boys in the 13 and under group (down to 8) and not that many over 13 (up to 18). We all thought Tom, Huck and their friends would be in the lower age range, with the older, taller kids playing the adults of the town.

Tom Sawyer is such an icon of innocent, rascally, preteen boyhood. To cast him as a teenager just seems to miss the point. The younger boys are all so cute--and cute little boys are what people will think they're getting if they come to the show. We just feel sad for "what could have been."

[UPDATE--it seems they're not making him into a teenager--just planning to ignore his height! Apparently, as Dramamom in NC commented, this is a challenging role that most younger boys just aren't able to carry. It requires a strong singer, actor and dancer, and the boy they cast as Tom really was the only male strong in all three areas. It's been done before with an older boy, they say, (as does Dramamom) and everyone seems to think it's going to work fine. --So what do I know??]

Well, Bantam 10.75 got the part of Ben--one of Tom's friends or classmates--we haven't seen a script yet. We know he has some lines, but not enough that he'll need a script to memorize from. Blondechick 13 will be a Bat Dancer, in the famous scene where Tom and Becky get lost in the cave. Apparently there's a musical number in the cave, in which there are dancing bats. She is not excited. ("I've never had to wear an ugly costume before," she moaned.) We aren't sure, but that may be the only scene she's in. Hopefuly she's in the full ensemble numbers too.

Rehearsals start Friday night and performances are the second and third weekends in May. It's AMAZING every time to see what they pull off with 85 kids in 10 weeks!

So, Hannibal, MO--here we come!

From the preface, by Mark Twain, to The Adventures of Tom Sawyer:

Although my book is intended mainly for the entertainment of boys and girls, I hope it will not be shunned by men and women on that account, for part of my plan has been to try to pleasantly remind adults of wht they once were themselves, and of how they felt and thought and talked, and what queer enterprises they sometimes engaged in.

Sunday Reading

...from a Christian classic--Talking With God, by Francois Fenelon:

If you wish to become meek, you must humble yourself. Make yourself little in the depths of your heart. A humble heart is always gentle and capable of being easily led in its center, even if on the surface it may seem rough through unexpected outbursts of a sharp and irritable temper. Watch, pray, and work at this. Bear with yourself without flattering yourself.

My Lenten disciplines are going okay, but I can't seem to keep a permanent lid on my "sharp and irritable temper." The lines I printed in bold are especially encouraging and helpful, I thought.

And here is an expansion of that last thought:

We must bear with ourselves without either flattery or discouragement, although we seldom achieve this happy median. We either expect great things of ourselves and of our good intentions, or else we wholly despair. We must hope for nothing from self, but wait for everything from God. Convicted of our helplessness, we have no confidence in ourselves, and yet we have unbounded confidence in God. These are the true foundations of the spiritual edifice.

Great words for Lent!

Three Weddings and....Waiting

Well, the auditions are over...the call backs are over...now the waiting begins! The cast list will be up tomorrow at 4:00. Bantam 10.75 was called back to read and sing for a lead role--very exciting!

Blondechick 13 was called back for a dancing role only. She was really hoping for a lead this time and did so well in her audition, we thought she had a good chance. Every director is different, though, and what they're looking for can change with every show.

Since Bantam 10.75 had to be there early, we dropped him off and went out to breakfast, and I tried to help her process her disappointment through God's eyes. She ended up telling me about a conversation she had with a friend at last week's sleepover in which she realized how blessed she really is, although she so easily takes it all for granted. That was a great perspective to take on it, I thought. But it was hard to hold onto when she arrived at dance call backs and discovered that many of her friends had been called back for reading, though it was hard to tell why she was not. But "that's showbiz," as Grandma, who used to be on Broadway, reminded her!

In other news, we know of three couples getting married today! This is by one of my favorite poets--I ran across it the other day while looking for something else.

At the Wedding March
(Gerard Manley Hopkins)

GOD with honour hang your head,
Groom, and grace you, bride, your bed
With lissome scions, sweet scions,
Out of hallowed bodies bred.

Each be other's comfort kind:
Déep, déeper than divined,
Divine charity, dear charity,
Fast you ever, fast bind.

Then let the March tread our ears:
I to him turn with tears
Who to wedlock, his wonder wedlock,
Déals tríumph and immortal years.

Wish we could have attended the weddings! One was in Texas. One was the wedding of Blondechick's debate coach, which she would have attended if she hadn't been called back. Papa Rooster and I would have been at the third, except...can you guess?...he came down with the flu. Yup. At least he should be fine by tomorrow, when he has a sermon to give!

Sick KIds

At bedtime last night, I succumbed to fever. It had been oncoming for an hour or so before that. I just hoped I could sleep through it and wake up fine in the morning.

But at 2:30 a.m., Chicklet 3 started throwing up. And continued to do so, every 10-15 minutes, for the next 2.5 hours. TEN TIMES I jumped out of bed, feverish as I was, and raced to her side. (I had sent Papa Rooster to the basement to sleep in the guest room.) And TEN TIMES, she hit the bucket--what a good girl! There was nothing in her tummy after about the fourth time, though, and there was one precious moment when she whispered over the bucket, after dry heaving again, "This is hard...to...do."

Yes, dear, this is hard. (Hard for mama to watch.) And you are such a trooper.

It's funny how illness brings out the sweet side of my kids. Bantam 7, back on Monday when this started, asked me over and over to pray for him, and he thanked me over and over for being his mom. Bantam 10.75 also thanked me repeatedly for my time, care, love, help..and for being his mom. He asked me to pray for him a half dozen or more times, and as often happens when he's sick, he waxed philosophical. "Is sickness evil?...Am I being punished for my sin?...Will there be sickness in heaven?...If God can make it so there is no sickness in heaven, why doesn't He make it so there's no sickness on earth?...Aren't we in God's presence now?"

Tough questions, son. No easy answers, either.

The two who have auditions tonight are still dragging and too weak to practice singing and dancing. I'm glad we put as much work as we did into their numbers last week, but it's so disappointing that they're not going to have the last minute polish they need. Hopefully they'll perk up before 7:30 tonight!

Auditions

We've been working hard all week on auditions for the next show--Tom Sawyer! The strains of "Tomorrow," "It's a Hard Knock Life," "Little Girls," and "You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile" have been replaced by "Popular" (from Wicked) and "Why Am I Me?" (from Shenandoah).

This morning I overheard Chicklet 3 and Bantam 7 singing "Why Am I Me?" together, word-perfect!

The dark cloud hanging over our week has been--sickness. Blondechick 13 was knocked out for Monday and Tuesday with an achy flu, while Bantam 7 suffered all day Monday with stomach cramps and throwing up. We rejoiced on Wednesday that no one was sick!--but I've been praying, since Monday, that the two who are auditioning on Friday night would either be spared, or get it over with before then.

So, it was with relief this morning that I heard the news from Chicklet 3 that Bantam 10.75 was sick. Sure enough, he had a stomachache and was asking for a bucket. Next I went to get Bitty Bantam from his crib...and was met by an incredible stench as I opened the door. He was covered in vomit and appeared to have slept all night in it--eewwwww! After two shampoos, his hair still smells sour. He seems to be feeling all right now...

Blondechick 13 was a crab all morning, sure that she was going to get it tomorrow right before her audition. So what a relief it was, this afternoon, to hear her calling from her bedroom--where she was supposed to be staying away from the others and doing her math--for a bucket! Praise God for answered prayer. Yippee!

Now, guess who will probably miss auditions? Yeah, me. The last couple of shows, we have all gone and watched them all. It's like a variety show; everybody has one minute to get up and show off their best stuff. Some are hilarious, some absolutely wow you, some are painfully bad. But they're all fun to watch! I'll be so bummed if I'm sick and can't go. And Chicklet 3 hasn't got it yet either....

You know who else is potentially in trouble now? Papa Rooster has to write a sermon and preach it Sunday. Yikes!

Better resume my prayers--Lord, have mercy!

Perusing the current Carnival of Homeschooling, I came across this article about a doctor who left her practice to homeschool her children:

“But I enjoyed my work so much, and I loved my patients. I enjoyed it so much that I couldn’t see doing anything else. But God works on you.” A visitor quickly learns that a heart-to-heart conversation with Dr. Karim includes hearing how her Christian faith is the key that helped her answer the familiar, age-old question: “What is my purpose for being here?”

“I know that I wasn’t listening to God when He was telling me what I should do,” she says. “In the last few years that I was working, I just knew that I was supposed to be doing something different, as we had things happen. (For instance) we bought a new house that was supposed to be the dream house, but it was infested with fleas.”

She smiles at the memory, but the conversation returns to the serious.

“We realized we got caught up in the materialistic side of things – having the best cars, house, vacations – and we weren’t focusing on the spiritual side and ‘making yourself better for God’ side.”

While Jana was working through her dark night of the soul (to use the memorable phrase associated with St. John of the Cross), another teachable moment occurred when her eldest child – then a second grader in a public school’s accelerated program – was confined to bed due to an illness. In helping her son with his schoolwork, Jana estimates it took less than an hour to get his work completed.

“I thought, ‘What is he doing with the rest of the time?’ I loved the school, but I realized there was so much more we could do.”

I have a friend who's done the same thing. I knew her for years through a homeschooling group before she mentioned that she is a pediatrician. I couldn't believe it!

Christine Field, who's mentioned in the middle of the article, is also a friend through the same group. She's an impressive and inspiring lady who has encouraged me personally in many ways, especially as a would-be writer.

Christine Field, of Wheaton, Illinois, the author of six books about child rearing, adoption, and home education, has traveled down this road. For eight years, she practiced law and had “the typical dual-career marriage.” (Mark Field, her husband, is Wheaton’s chief of police.)

In 1991, Mrs. Field left the workforce to homeschool her brood. She has four children – three are adopted and one is biological. “Sure it can be more glamorous to go to an office and be called ‘Ma’am’ than just be a middle-aged woman in the suburbs,” she candidly remarks.

But she decided that “sub-contracting the children rearing” wasn’t for her. The prolific writer has commented honestly and cheerfully about her new life. In Home School Digest magazine, she wrote, “My house unapologetically reflects the fact that children are in residence. From the toys on the lawn to the projects scattered around the house, a visitor can readily see that this is a place of creativity and learning.”

(A favorite quote from Chris is from when she was speaking on adoption and someone asked about the expense of it. "Yes, it cost us as much as a new minivan. But you can't take a minivan to heaven with you!")

My friend the pediatrician says maybe she'll go back to it when her girls are in college. But her time with them has been so short--they're nearing high school already--that it's worth even the financial hardship they experience for now.

What an investment, though!