Plan A for Bantam20

Well, we've been holding our breaths here, during B20's second semester at college.  His first semester was a little rocky.  He ended up getting very behind in one class and having to drop it, which took him below full-time status and made it quite an expensive semester.  But he passed all his remaining classes, and that was with zero support, as it turned out, so we gave him another chance.

For the second semester, he had a lot more accountability and support through the tutoring center, and we were pleased and hopeful.  So it was disappointing to hear, two-thirds of the way through the semester, that the same thing had happened again:  he had gotten impossibly far behind in one class and had to drop it.

Papa Rooster and I didn't really have to think about our decision:  It's just too expensive per semester to only earn minimal credits.  B20 would not be able to go back.

He knew it.  He's terribly disappointed in himself.  But he's also got perspective: "Well, God answered my prayer.  I wanted to be able to finish out the whole year, and I'm getting to do that."

And that's how I'm looking at it too.  I'm so glad he's had this year.  I thought I'd feel regret at the "waste" of money, but I'm glad he's had the experience of living on his own, of attending college classes and getting a taste of what it will take to finish his degree, if he really wants to.  Both his advisor and his tutor believe he has the intellectual ability; he needs the motivation to really want the education, for himself, and the self-discipline to minimize distractions.

I reminded him that originally, his plan had been to live at home, find a job, work and take some classes.  Going to college was kind of a "Plan B."  So in a way, we're just going back to Plan A, I told him.  It seemed a reassuring thought, and on Easter Sunday, I heard him telling someone at church that he was returning to Plan A.

The problem with Plan A is that B20 doesn't have his driver's license.  We deferred the decision after he passed the driving test by not "cashing in" the test results for a license immediately, and the more we've thought about it, the less inclined we are to have him driving.  There's so much information coming in while one is driving, and it keeps changing; it's hard for him to prioritize it all.  To him, a billboard may demand more attention than the brake lights of the car in front of him.  He's as nervous as we are.

When he gets home from college in two weeks, he'll apply for a City of Kenosha program that helps find jobs and possibly transportation for people with disabilities.  I'm hoping for a job that keeps him physically active, since he's put on 50 pounds in his year at college, and his leisure activities are all sedentary:  reading, manipulating computer images and video games.  Maybe in the long term, this kind of job will be better for him than the kind of desk job he'd have with a degree in Digital Design.  And I'm praying hard for a solution to the transportation issue...anything but Mom!

I invite you once again to join us in prayer for B20's future.  We are so thankful for God's clear direction to send him to college for this year.  We will be happy to have him back at home for now, but clearly he needs a job to keep him active and occupied by something other than his own leisure activities.  He also needs to pay back his student loans, and start saving for further education or his own place, which is one of his heart's desires.  It was very encouraging to see that he could manage well on his own.  He didn't oversleep or skip classes or chapel, and he's been attentive to deadlines and assignments in most of his classes.

So much to be thankful for!  A whole set of new concerns lies just around the corner, but for now, I am grateful.

Wheel of Thankfulness

I feel like a hamster on an exercise wheel, running and running and never getting anywhere!   My to-do list seems to grow longer and longer as the end of the school year looms.

But the truth is, I have accomplished a lot in the last few weeks.  It's time to look back and be thankful!

Over the past month...in addition to the usual round of driving to and from school, piano lessons, cornet lessons, tap/jazz/guitar lessons, and gym class...

I attended several soccer games and watched Blondechick17 make a goal!  It was a beautiful penalty kick, right over the goalie's head.  (Must post some of Papa Rooster's soccer pics.)

I spent nearly a whole day shopping with Blondechick for a full-length formal dress, and bought bracelet, earrings and shoes to go with it.  We had a lovely time, we didn't argue, we found a beautiful dress and the price was right (at the most unlikely store--we were pointed to Sears and they had a great selection of tasteful dresses!).

I made phone calls to locate and get directions to a dress shop (straight out of West Side Story, I swear) on the other side of town.  I took the dress in to be altered, I went back to pick it up, and I hope to post pictures of her in it very soon.  The Formal is tonight!

I set up and began a series of orthodontist appointments for Bantam11.  He's getting braces in a couple of weeks!  I set up a series of dental checkups for us all too, beginning next week.  (You don't think they take us all at once, do you? :)

I dealt with a lot of medical bills and insurance questions. :(

I helped others from church clean out a grimy storage room we've started using for Sunday School.  I swept, sponged, organized and labeled drawers with our supplies, while others built shelves, cleaned, sorted and rearranged.  As I described to a friend how our old church has to store everything in wooden carts that can be wheeled onto a truck, which has to be driven back and forth from the church office to the high school each week, we realized how blessed we are to HAVE this cruddy delightful old room!

I registered B15 for summer camp, made sure Blondechick registered for the ACT, looked into swimming lessons and when/how to register for those, and started to research some vacation plans. I registered us for field trips to see the Dead Sea Scrolls next week in Milwaukee and The Lion King next fall in Chicago.  B15, B11 and I attended the Stomp! show in Chicago, as a field trip with other families from our theater group's Stomp class this session.  (It was awesome!)

I sold 20 tickets to see our theater group's spring show, Snow White, even though none of my kids are in it. ;)  I've been supervising the class program one night a week, wrapping up the session (soon), and doing the planning for next year, so that my replacement, whoever that is, will be in good shape!

I helped Papa Rooster find an hour to sit down and fill out the FAFSA online (that's the federal financial aid form for college).  I've been chipping away at the other pieces needed for B19's admission to college, while B19 writes and edits his essays under Papa Rooster's eye.  We're getting closer....

I attended Blondechick and B15's choir concert and got to hear her solo at the beginning of the Celtic Woman's "The Voice."  It was remarkably beautiful.  (I know, because everyone remarked on it! :)

I visited three colleges with BC17 and B19, as my readers know.  I made a road trip to attend a wake and a funeral.  I made a meal for a family whose mom has cancer, and I've been driving her kids to school one day a week.  I visited a friend with a new baby!  (And held and held her...yum.)

I took B19 to the DMV to get his permit renewed.  Can't believe he's had it a year already!  Still having him practice behind the wheel and praying he can pass his test in June.

I helped B19 fill out and submit numerous job applications...but so far, no interviews.  I took Blondechick in to one place several times; she had an encouraging interview and thought she had a job, but hasn't received that final word yet.  The last we heard, they were still interviewing.  (sigh)  So we may be starting over again soon. 

I hosted B15's friends after they went and saw Iron Man 2 for his birthday.  It was not a party.  (No one else got a party this year.)  But I drove them both ways to the movie and served a lot of pizza, brownies and ice cream!

And I still owe my blog a birthday post for him.  And updated pictures in the sidebar...been thinking about that for ages...but I have my priorities straight! :)

Thank you, Lord, for the many blessings in the busy-ness:  the hugs and kisses, the sunny days, the smiles, the strength and support of my husband, my gas-sipping Prius to do all this running around in.  Thank you for the fruits that will come of my labors: straight teeth, a useful storage/Sunday School room, knowledge, experience, fun and lots of memories.  I pray for these fruits to come to harvest: driver's licenses, college, jobs.  Thank you, Lord, for health, strength and endurance for the race you've set before me.

May the favor of the Lord, our God, be upon us;

Let the work of our hands prosper,

O prosper the work of our hands.

Psalm 90:17

A Decision

Yesterday, Bantam19, Blondechick17 and I all traveled the relatively short distance to Trinity College in Deerfield, also home of the better-known Trinity Evangelical Divinity School.  With 750 students in the undergrad program, it's half the size of Wheaton or Taylor, and with a founding date of 1961 (give or take--it's a convoluted history), it's a hundred years or so behind them in established reputation.  It's also a smaller campus, with buildings closer together, which seemed to us, on a chilly, rainy day, to be a good thing for a campus situated this far north!

On the way there, I talked to Bantam19 about why we were visiting this campus.  He had told me earlier that he didn't want to go, because he was settled on Gateway Tech.  I explained the difference between an associates' degree or a licensing certificate and a liberal arts degree--in terms of jobs available after graduation, and what he would study at college.  I talked about living in a dorm and going to class with Christian guys who could be friends for him--which he needs and wants--and having Christian teachers to mentor him, encourage him to grow spiritually and help him discover what he's really good at.  We talked about him becoming independent and how living in a dorm would be a way to transition to living on his own.  As I talked, I discovered more and more reasons why this option seemed like the ideal next step for him, especially given his special needs.  Why hadn't we seriously pursued this option sooner?

Partly it was because he hadn't been asking about it.  We thought his plan of working and taking some classes sounded affordable and practical, and we could see how successful he was at taking college level classes and maybe gain more insight into what be a good career path for him.  Also, we doubted that he'd get a decent score on the ACT, and we guessed that he'd need a year of community college classes to prove that he could do college level work.  But when we got his halfway decent ACT score, I talked to a friend who used to work in Trinity's admissions office, and she assured me that most likely, he could get accepted, though perhaps on probation.  And she said it wasn't too late to think about it for this fall!  It seemed like confirmation that we should definitely consider the Christian college option for him, Trinity in particular.

As we visited, other things just seemed to click and had the feel of God-ordained appointments and signs.  For example, we weren't sure what he would major in, but we knew he would want to take all the classes for a brand-new minor that had just been added, in Digital Design.  (Don't YOU want to take these classes?)  We met with the lead design teacher, and the more we heard, the more we knew this would be a good fit for B19, and he would learn good marketable skills to graduate with.  And we heard from multiple sources that the minor is going to become a major in a year or so!

We also LOVED the chapel.  They had student-led worship for a good 20 minutes or so, and it was loud--5 guitars, one drummer and a vocalist--which somehow made it so easy to forget yourself and just praise God.  The students were really into it, and I sensed such a spirit of worship in the room--it touched me deeply.  Later, in an admissions meeting, B19 was asked if he too, sang like his sister, and I joked that I hadn't heard him sing in years.  He looked me right in the eye and said, "I sang in chapel today, Mom.  I just...felt like it." 

We also loved the chaplain--a solid, straightforward man who preached a great message from Proverbs, about the way of wisdom and the way of folly.  He told one moving story about a friend of his; it was honest and genuine, not just a handy illustration.  I loved it that he wore jeans and an oxford shirt, not a suit.  Both B19 and Blondechick liked him too, and it seemed like another one of those signs when we got to meet him in person shortly afterward, in the salad bar line!

The suitless chaplain and the worship band in jeans and flannel shirts struck me as a picture of how Trinity is different from Wheaton or Taylor.  Blondechick said, "It's more laid-back."  From all that I understand, it's not as academically challenging and doesn't draw the best and the brightest the way the other two do, but the students we met--and the admissions department did a great job of making sure we had different students escorting us everywhere--were no slackers.  They were friendly, genuine and involved.   They seemed bright but, as Blondechick said, laid-back.  They seemed like successful people who weren't success-driven.

That perfectly describes Blondechick, who wants good grades and works hard to get them, when she can, but doesn't rearrange her life for homework or knock herself out to get top grades.  She felt very drawn to this more laid-back atmosphere, and the clincher for her was our meeting with the soccer coach.  Everyone we met spoke so highly of him, and when we met with him, he spent as much time talking about how he encourages his girls to grow spiritually as he did talking about soccer.  He knows her school and its good reputation academically, and the reputation of its soccer program, which we weren't aware of...and it sounds like the odds are high that she could not only make the team but get a soccer scholarship as well.  It's early to say, but right now, she's very interested in playing girls' soccer competitively in college.  She's having a marvelous time this season, getting lots of play time and loving it more and more--to my surprise!  I thought, with all the hours of drill and running, plus the bruises and body aches, that the appeal would wear off pretty quickly this season, but instead her passion for the game has increased, and she's enjoying the camaraderie with the other girls so much.  She enjoyed the communications class she sat in on, and she could really see herself on that worship team.

And Dad could come over and visit them so easily, since he works in Deerfield!  They'd be close enough to come home and see their younger siblings in theater productions and other important occasions, and we could easily visit them at school as well.  The more we thought about it, the more appealing it seems to have them so close to home.  They'd be right on a train line to visit Chicago too, and it sounds like there are lots of internship possibilities in the city too.

Further confirmations were when B19 commented, "It would be nice to be in a place where I don't have to hide my faith."  One could argue that he didn't need to hide his faith at the public school, but his desire there is just to stay under the radar and not bring negative attention to himself.  And one of the most significant things was when his autism came up with the design teacher, and that teacher said the words I prayed someone besides his parents would say to him, "Your autism is a gift from God; it's part of how He created you.  You need to discover what He put it there for."

So now we need to help B19 get everything together for his application and turn it in ASAP.  Will you please pray with us that if this option is the Lord's will for B19, that he will be accepted?  We should know before his graduation in early June--I can't believe it! He also needs to find a summer job...and maybe, hopefully, get his driver's license...if you are so led to pray for those needs as well.  It feels like this is all happening so fast, but it also feels so right.  I feel relieved and thankful for God's guidance and direction...in such a busy season of life for us that it seems we could so easily have missed it.  Thank you, Lord, for the nudges!

College Report

I was so grateful for the responses I received on the post College Questions.  It was great to hear so many perspectives on the huge question of what to encourage your child to do after high school.  If you didn't see Sherry's comment towards the end, it was very helpful as we think about what to do with Bantam19 next; she seemed to join the Lord in nudging me to think harder about college for him too.  Thanks again, everyone!

After our visit to Wheaton College, Blondechick and I drove to the cornfields of Indiana to check out Taylor University.  Back when I applied to Wheaton, it was sort of a joke that the kids who were at Taylor were all the Wheaton wanna-bes—and I did know kids who weren’t accepted and went to Taylor.  Secretly I guessed that it was a school filled with really nice kids, and time has confirmed that suspicion.  Taylor’s reputation now is that its academics are on a par with Wheaton, but its real strength is its community.

A perfect way to compare the two schools is to look at chapel.  At Wheaton, chapel is required (3X/wk); seats are assigned and attendance is taken.  The usual lineup includes a hymn, some announcements, and a speaker.  In my day, and I gather that things haven’t changed much, the main motivation to go to chapel was not to miss a good speaker.  You didn’t go to chapel to actively worship—you went to WCF on Sunday nights for that.   If the speaker was boring, you felt like chapel was a waste of time.

At Taylor, chapel is required, 3X/week, but seats are not assigned.  You sit with the people you live with, and that’s the accountability.  There is student-led worship at the beginning, at least three songs, and all around us we saw student entering in to full-hearted worship.  Some raised hands, many didn’t, but all were clearly there to worship, and after the speaker (it was a panel discussion, not as inspiring as usual, we were told), many stayed after for two more songs. 

Blondechick, who is far more relational than academic, felt much more comfortable at Taylor than at Wheaton.  As I guessed she would.  She was a little appalled at the middle-of-nowhere feeling—the nearest Targest is 1.5 hours away, but there is a Walmart within 20 minutes—but she told me she liked it so well, she was willing to look for the positives, like saving money.  Also, the sense of community on a Friday night has got to be stronger, and don’t limited options breed creativity?

She also figured out that she probably doesn’t want to major in Psychology, as she was thinking.  She’d like to be a therapist and work with teenagers, but she doesn’t want to have to go on to grad school.  When she asked the Wheaton psych prof about that, he hedged and told her about all the jobs she could go into with a psych degree, and when she asked him point-blank if she could be a therapist with just a BA, he said it was all a matter of supervision and certainly she could do groups.  The Taylor prof answered the same question with an honest “no, you won’t be able to do one-on-one therapy with teens without a master’s degree.”  So now she’s thinking about Communications.

We are now going to look at Trinity International University in Deerfield, IL.  If she doesn’t get accepted at Taylor—and she may not have the ACT scores to get in; she’s always tested lower than her abilities or grades whenever she takes a standardized test—she should be able to get in there.  In fact, it appears likely that Bantam19 could get accepted there too, on probation, and I think their financial aid package may be attractive.  If Blondechick does well there, she might be able to transfer to Taylor after a year or so, or maybe it will be a good fit for her to stay.  We’ll see next week—I’m taking them both.

I'll take other recommendations, too! Our main priority, really, is a student body (and a faculty) that will encourage our kids to grow spiritually, and we want them to get a quality education as well.  Secondarily, I think it needs to be a school that's within a day's driving distance.  Any suggestions, corrections, comments?

College Questions

Blondechick and I sure had a great time visiting Wheaton College.  More accurately, she visited Wheaton; I visited with friends!

And it was probably more helpful to me than sitting on an Old Testament class, because it gave me a chance to process--out loud, which always helps me--some of the decision points we are facing in the coming months.  A big one is whether a Christian college education is worth the cost.

When I was choosing a college, it never ever crossed my mind that I might want to choose a state school or a secular private college.  I think I must have instinctively guessed that if I was going to leave the security of my church and family and become independent, it would be good to be surrounded by Christians as I first spread my wings.  I didn't think of a Christian college as shelter, but as support--like warm, friendly air currents to help me lift off.  Storms may come later on, but you want nice weather when you're first learning to fly!

Of course, I also chose the college I did because I thought the professors there would be academically excellent, and good mentors as well.  I hoped to make Christian friends there that I would have for the rest of my life--which happened!--Papa Rooster included!  I wanted to gain a Christian perspective on the world, and I read so many good books, heard so many good speakers, had so many stimulating conversations that all brought me much further along in my adult faith.

And I see Bantam19 and Blondechick17 and I think of launching them from our home...and I want, for Blondechick especially, what I received.  She wants it too, and the expense seems like a good investment.  But B19 is a more confusing case.

Because of his autism, we're not as certain that he can handle a full course load.  We're also not sure how well he will function independently--whether he can manage time, money and priorities--and we have little sense of what direction to steer him.  There is no clear area that he's gifted in or passionate about that will translate to a career, that we can identify yet.  So it seems unwise financially to start him out in a traditional college setting.  What he wants is to live at home, work and take a few classes in computers, and that seems like a good plan to us.

But are we short-selling him?  If he were able to complete a four-year degree--and surely we could find a school where he could pass classes as he's done successfully all through high school--his options after college would be greater.  He would benefit as much as Blondechick from a Christian environment while he transitions toward independence. 

And there are several potential hitches in our current plan.  One is if he's unable to get a driver's license.  Then how will he get to a job, or get to class?  There are buses, but I'd have to drive him and pick him up at the nearest (not so) bus stop.  He'll attempt to pass the driver's test in June, and God could surely smooth the way before him...but how likely is he to get a job if he can't say that he has a driver's license?  And if he doesn't have a job, what will he do all day?  He'll play around on the computer and watch reruns of Star Trek, if we let him.  So we should keep him busy taking classes, but where?  The local community college?  The local state school?  Maybe it makes more sense to have him live in a dorm and take more classes, if he doesn't have a license or a job...and we're back to the original question of whether the Christian environment is worth the cost?

Lord, you know the plans you have for him, plans to prosper him and not to harm him, plans to give him a hope and a future.  Reveal to us, Lord, what we need to know to put him on the right path.  Go before him and prepare the way--the license, the job, the education--if these are things you have planned for him, and give us the patience, the trust and the faith we need to wait for your timing on these.  And if they are not in Your plans for him, prepare the alternatives--and open our eyes to see them and our ears to hear about them.  Give him direction when he prays, Father.  Help him to hear your voice and follow it.  You made our son.  You love him and you have a future for him.  Help me trust and not be anxious.  Amen.