Grace

All my life, I've struggled with perfectionism.  I'm a capable person; I can do many things well, and that's the way I like things--done well, done accurately, done ideally.  My adult life has been something of an un-learning process.  Circumstances--especially six children--have forced me to accept the less-than-ideal.  Oddly enough, no other member of my family seems to really care if our house is messy or clean, whether piano lessons are practiced or not, whether we eat healthily and frugally at home or spend a fortune taking our family out to dinner.  A great title for a country song about  my life would be:  "The Good Lord Knows I'm a Control Freak, and That's Why He Gave Me Six Children."

So these days, I muddle through, not caring as much as I used to (though I cling to the idea that, as a mom, it's part of my job description to care).  For a number of years now, instead of trying so hard to "do" for my family and for God, I've been concentrating on "being" a better mom, a better wife, a better daughter of God.  I pray for the fruits of the Spirit--love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control.  I pray for wisdom to "be angry, but in your anger, do not sin."  I tell myself, "Who I am matters more than what I do."

Every year when Lent rolls around, I look forward to it with a mixture of anticipation--that maybe this year, it will be a life-changing period of time, tranforming me into the woman I want to be--and humility--knowing that it probably won't.  My life still lacks those fruits of the Spirit.  In my anger, I sin--frequently.  "Who I am" is not a pretty sight.

And I had an epiphany a couple weeks ago. I've tried to earn God's approval (and self-approval) by "doing," and realizing the folly in that, I've switched my energies to "being."  But I'm still striving just as much, trying to make it happen, trying to whip myself into shape, and Lent has too often been an excuse to strive even more.  I've failed at doing, and I've failed at being...and it hit me that what I really need is grace.

But my first reaction is to wonder:  What do I do...who do I be...to know God's grace?

I know the answer. I don't have to do anything, be anything; I just have to receive it like a gift, unearned and free, given out of love.

So I am confronted with my pride. I have placed conditions on the gift. I think I should only be allowed to have the gift if I've earned it, if I'm good enough, if I deserve it. I have set the bar higher than even God would set it, if He were into that.

But He's not. He knows we all have sinned, all have fallen short, and He's done something about it, because we can't. He's covered all our failures with grace, through the sacrifice of his Son. I know this, and yet I don't feel like I'm living it.

I asked a wise friend to pray with me about this, and later, he wrote me these words:

In the end we must learn to just tell ourselves, ‘It is okay, right now.  Not tomorrow when and if I get this figured out, but right now.  Because right now I am forgiven and accepted.’ 

So that's where I'm at, right now.  Telling myself I don't have to do anything or be anything, and honestly, it's an alien thought to my mind.  I'm an overachiever.  I push myself.  That's what I do. This is not me.

Or is THAT not me?

God knows the real me, and He's speaking to me this Lent, about letting go of my pride and my expectations for myself and replacing them with Himself, His grace, His love, His affirmation. I don't think this conversion is coming easily or quickly, but I sense that the soil of my soul is being stirred up, plowed, and made ready for seed.  My part seems to be to let God work and to respond with thankfulness.

Come, Lord Jesus, come.

Sadness, Rejoicing and a Trial

Today I signed over the title of Blondechick's car--yes, the one I was agonizing about buying just a few months ago--to a junkyard.  They gave me $250 for it.  Just enough to pay the tow and storage fees after the accident and have a whole $5 left over.

It was so emotional for me to see the wrecked car, its front end crumpled, the windshield cracked and both airbags limply filling the front seasts. I cried as I gathered her belongings out of its compartments, its back seat, its trunk.  Except for the front end, it was still a really nice car.  I couldn't believe we were junking it.

Our kids are okay.  Fine, in fact.  The airbags did their job, even though that very morning, Blondechick had told me that the airbag light had come on again, like it was when we first bought the car.  At that time, the mechanic told me that if the light was on, the whole airbag system was non-functional.  But praise God, the airbags worked perfectly when Blondechick just couldn't stop in time.

She was not following too closely.  The loooong skid marks told that story.  Nor was she texting or talking on the phone, her passengers agreed.  She was not speeding, at 40 in a 45 zone.  Both boys in the car with her--her brother and his friend--said that the car ahead did not appear to be slowing down.  No brake lights, no signal...and the section of road there sloped slightly downward, perhaps altering distance perception a bit.  At any rate, she couldn't stop quickly enough.

We rejoice that no one was seriously hurt.  The other couple have neck pain, I'm told, but are otherwise unhurt.  All five people involved were taken by ambulance to a nearby trauma center to be checked out--Illinois law for the minors involved--and our auto insurance will cover their medical expenses and car repairs.

But we didn't have collision insurance on the Optima.  For what it cost per year to have collision coverage on a vehicle on which a teen is the primary driver, we figured we could buy another cheap set of wheels with the money we'd saved, if it came to that.  But we didn't plan on it coming to that after three months.

"Why, Mom?" Blondechick asked through her tears.  "Why did God let this happen?  I don't get it.  What good can come from this?  ...What can God possibly be trying to teach me from this?  I've been GOOD!"

I knew what she meant.  If this had happened back during her rebellious days, it would have been so easy to quote Ephesians 6: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you...." 

"See?" we could have said to her, "you need to obey and respect us, that it may go well with you!"

But she's been in a good place for over a year now.  She has been trying hard to please God and to please us.  So, why did God let this happen?

"Honey, the Bible makes it clear that the trials will come.  Not if, but when they come, we have a choice to make, about how we are going to bear up under it.  We can't choose what happens to us, but when bad things happen, then we have a choice about how we will suffer.

"Think about trials greater than this one.  Think of losing a child.  Imagine Bantam5 getting hit by a car.  Would we try to figure out why we deserved that?  Would we look for someone to blame?  Would we blame God, and turn our backs on Him?  Or will we choose faith and trust, that God is bigger than our suffering, than our little vantage point in time, compared to eternity and to His all-knowing kingdom perspective?

The Bible is clear that suffering is something we learn and grow from: 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  (James 1:2-4)  

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.  ...God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  (Hebrews 12:7, 10-11)

And I didn't mention this to her, but:

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.  (Proverbs 16:18)

This is the one that haunts me.  Looking back, I think I was overly confident that going without collision insurance was a good decision.  Yes, we got the car cheap, but by the time we fixed it up, it was quite a nice car, and an investment we probably should have protected better.  There was a certain pride in assuming that we wouldn't need that coverage, and I am regretting it now.

So we're car-shopping again, and this time we are looking at not-so-nice cars, since we don't have another $3500 to put towards one.  And it's sad.  It's humbling.  So much to rejoice in...but it's a trial.

Ode to Bantam 15

Well, we had a birthday back in May...

But we didn't have a good picture of him, since he got his braces off in February...and Mama Hen was barely keeping her head above water to finish out the school year afloat...Bantam19 was accepted at college and we had a graduation....

...and today, he left.  For two weeks at camp.  Back to Honey Rock, where he went last year--quite against his will--but where he had a great experience anyway.  (A rebellious Blondechick came home from the same camp last year saying, "Okay, I get it--I see why I need Christian friends and why you want to switch me to the Christian school.")  This year, although he's been increasingly bummed to discover that he's going to miss out on all the major events of his summer--his good Christian friends have big plans for the 4th of July and for this Christian rock festival--his tune changed as we were packing his bags, and at the church picnic on Sunday, and he sounded pretty psyched to go, now that the time had actually come.

This young man has grown so much over the past year.  Physically, he's added so many inches that most folks don't believe he's not in high school yet, and one of his newest activities is working out, so he's added a little muscle all around as well.  He has always enjoyed running, and he's become quite disciplined about getting in his run, his workout and his guitar practice every day.  Academically, his first year at the private Christian school (that is known for its homework load) was quite a challenge for him, but he showed a dogged determination to keep up, and was rewarded with more A's than any other grade, to his surprise and gratification.  Spiritually, he is growing as well, asking questions, participating in church and Sunday School, manifesting fruits of the Spirit along with all the teenage instabilities.  (For example, he can be quick to lose his temper, but he's just as quick to ask forgiveness and start over.)  He is a favorite as a babysitter, because not only does he play with the kids so that they love him to come, but he always does dishes and even puts away laundry, so the mom loves him to come as well!

So I'm missin' my boy already.  I'm praying for his safety at camp.  I'm praying for a counselor who can really mentor him, friends who will encourage him in all the important ways, challenges that will build him up, and most of all, for encounters with the true and living God.  I pray that his spiritual hearing will be attuned to God's voice, that he'll learn how to hear with his spiritual ears, this boy who loves music so much, for whom listening is such a frequent activity--may he listen and hear during this time, and come home hungry to hear more from his Master, Creator and Friend.

...We have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance.... in the kingdom of light.  (Colossians 1:9-12)

[Help us settle a friendly family discussion: Which photo above do you like better, and why?]

A Decision

Yesterday, Bantam19, Blondechick17 and I all traveled the relatively short distance to Trinity College in Deerfield, also home of the better-known Trinity Evangelical Divinity School.  With 750 students in the undergrad program, it's half the size of Wheaton or Taylor, and with a founding date of 1961 (give or take--it's a convoluted history), it's a hundred years or so behind them in established reputation.  It's also a smaller campus, with buildings closer together, which seemed to us, on a chilly, rainy day, to be a good thing for a campus situated this far north!

On the way there, I talked to Bantam19 about why we were visiting this campus.  He had told me earlier that he didn't want to go, because he was settled on Gateway Tech.  I explained the difference between an associates' degree or a licensing certificate and a liberal arts degree--in terms of jobs available after graduation, and what he would study at college.  I talked about living in a dorm and going to class with Christian guys who could be friends for him--which he needs and wants--and having Christian teachers to mentor him, encourage him to grow spiritually and help him discover what he's really good at.  We talked about him becoming independent and how living in a dorm would be a way to transition to living on his own.  As I talked, I discovered more and more reasons why this option seemed like the ideal next step for him, especially given his special needs.  Why hadn't we seriously pursued this option sooner?

Partly it was because he hadn't been asking about it.  We thought his plan of working and taking some classes sounded affordable and practical, and we could see how successful he was at taking college level classes and maybe gain more insight into what be a good career path for him.  Also, we doubted that he'd get a decent score on the ACT, and we guessed that he'd need a year of community college classes to prove that he could do college level work.  But when we got his halfway decent ACT score, I talked to a friend who used to work in Trinity's admissions office, and she assured me that most likely, he could get accepted, though perhaps on probation.  And she said it wasn't too late to think about it for this fall!  It seemed like confirmation that we should definitely consider the Christian college option for him, Trinity in particular.

As we visited, other things just seemed to click and had the feel of God-ordained appointments and signs.  For example, we weren't sure what he would major in, but we knew he would want to take all the classes for a brand-new minor that had just been added, in Digital Design.  (Don't YOU want to take these classes?)  We met with the lead design teacher, and the more we heard, the more we knew this would be a good fit for B19, and he would learn good marketable skills to graduate with.  And we heard from multiple sources that the minor is going to become a major in a year or so!

We also LOVED the chapel.  They had student-led worship for a good 20 minutes or so, and it was loud--5 guitars, one drummer and a vocalist--which somehow made it so easy to forget yourself and just praise God.  The students were really into it, and I sensed such a spirit of worship in the room--it touched me deeply.  Later, in an admissions meeting, B19 was asked if he too, sang like his sister, and I joked that I hadn't heard him sing in years.  He looked me right in the eye and said, "I sang in chapel today, Mom.  I just...felt like it." 

We also loved the chaplain--a solid, straightforward man who preached a great message from Proverbs, about the way of wisdom and the way of folly.  He told one moving story about a friend of his; it was honest and genuine, not just a handy illustration.  I loved it that he wore jeans and an oxford shirt, not a suit.  Both B19 and Blondechick liked him too, and it seemed like another one of those signs when we got to meet him in person shortly afterward, in the salad bar line!

The suitless chaplain and the worship band in jeans and flannel shirts struck me as a picture of how Trinity is different from Wheaton or Taylor.  Blondechick said, "It's more laid-back."  From all that I understand, it's not as academically challenging and doesn't draw the best and the brightest the way the other two do, but the students we met--and the admissions department did a great job of making sure we had different students escorting us everywhere--were no slackers.  They were friendly, genuine and involved.   They seemed bright but, as Blondechick said, laid-back.  They seemed like successful people who weren't success-driven.

That perfectly describes Blondechick, who wants good grades and works hard to get them, when she can, but doesn't rearrange her life for homework or knock herself out to get top grades.  She felt very drawn to this more laid-back atmosphere, and the clincher for her was our meeting with the soccer coach.  Everyone we met spoke so highly of him, and when we met with him, he spent as much time talking about how he encourages his girls to grow spiritually as he did talking about soccer.  He knows her school and its good reputation academically, and the reputation of its soccer program, which we weren't aware of...and it sounds like the odds are high that she could not only make the team but get a soccer scholarship as well.  It's early to say, but right now, she's very interested in playing girls' soccer competitively in college.  She's having a marvelous time this season, getting lots of play time and loving it more and more--to my surprise!  I thought, with all the hours of drill and running, plus the bruises and body aches, that the appeal would wear off pretty quickly this season, but instead her passion for the game has increased, and she's enjoying the camaraderie with the other girls so much.  She enjoyed the communications class she sat in on, and she could really see herself on that worship team.

And Dad could come over and visit them so easily, since he works in Deerfield!  They'd be close enough to come home and see their younger siblings in theater productions and other important occasions, and we could easily visit them at school as well.  The more we thought about it, the more appealing it seems to have them so close to home.  They'd be right on a train line to visit Chicago too, and it sounds like there are lots of internship possibilities in the city too.

Further confirmations were when B19 commented, "It would be nice to be in a place where I don't have to hide my faith."  One could argue that he didn't need to hide his faith at the public school, but his desire there is just to stay under the radar and not bring negative attention to himself.  And one of the most significant things was when his autism came up with the design teacher, and that teacher said the words I prayed someone besides his parents would say to him, "Your autism is a gift from God; it's part of how He created you.  You need to discover what He put it there for."

So now we need to help B19 get everything together for his application and turn it in ASAP.  Will you please pray with us that if this option is the Lord's will for B19, that he will be accepted?  We should know before his graduation in early June--I can't believe it! He also needs to find a summer job...and maybe, hopefully, get his driver's license...if you are so led to pray for those needs as well.  It feels like this is all happening so fast, but it also feels so right.  I feel relieved and thankful for God's guidance and direction...in such a busy season of life for us that it seems we could so easily have missed it.  Thank you, Lord, for the nudges!

Life Right Now

Family and friends, virtual and real-life, I would so appreciate your prayers right now.

I am in the middle of a situation that has been gradually unfolding, and it has progressively confused and disoriented me. I should find out more, sometime this week, about what is really going on, but until then, I am experiencing anxiety like I have rarely ever had, especially over such a prolonged period. I am blessed to be one of those people without much of a tendency toward depression, but this situation has definitely been "pressing down" on me.

So it's been hard to blog lately. Normally, I use my blog to record what's going on in my life and how I see God working around me, in our family and in our church. Writing helps me process my own feelings about the difficult things, like letting B14 go to school, or my miscarriage 18 months ago. And it is so encouraging when others lend a sympathetic ear and offer up prayers for me in those situations.

But this is something I can't discuss publicly, and it's the big thing going on right now for me. I wish I could write honestly and openly about it. I have written in my private journal, to explore my feelings and to hear God's words in response to my heart-cries. And I have been so grateful for Papa Rooster's love and support.

God is working in me through these hard circumstances, teaching me things about myself and about His nature. The last two sermons I heard at church, from Papa Rooster and from Phil, both really spoke to me about my exact situation. One word for me was that when our pride is wounded, it means Christ is teaching us to be more like Him in his humility. Another was about how when we strive to get what we think we need, with hands clenched on to those things, we are actually unable to receive, openhandedly, the things God is trying to give to us. So I am trying to humbly surrender this situation and hold my hands open and upward toward God. I won't say it's easy, especially when I feel wronged, but I am clinging to Christ and to these guideposts right now. May the Lord's mercy and grace fill me.

I am also grieving for a friend whose mother died last week of cancer.

And I am really bummed to see summer coming to an end. I am not one of those people who love autumn--I find it a depressing time of year in the best of circumstances.

There. Now that I got all that off my chest, maybe I'll feel more freedom to blog about other things without feeling like a pretender! Thanks in advance for your prayers, you who faithfully pray for me. (Mom, Dad and my aunts come to mind, plus friends from churches old and new...I so appreciate you all!)

***

Hey, when I just looked up Phil and Lisa's blog to link to, I discovered pictures of Phil's ordination at Light of Christ two weeks ago! (Duh, I guess!) Papa Rooster and Randy Y, the other deacon we ordained, are in them too.

God Works, Part Two

Those two days of waiting-- for the rest of the story--were unintentional on my part, but they are a perfect representation of the two weeks we spent waiting and praying while the kids were away at camp! No cell phones were allowed, just good old-fashioned pencil and paper, and we only received one brief letter from each while they were gone.

Blondechick16 and Bantam14 returned from Honey Rock camp with hearts reawakened. Both spoke of "going way deeper" in their relationship with the Lord, and in their desire to live the Christian life in a more committed way. Blondechick said that she "got it" about her non-Christian boyfriend (meaning she now shared our concern). You can just imagine our joy, as parents!

Papa Rooster told me more about his talks with their counselors, on the day he arrived to pick them up. Both had many positive things to say, and both had the same suggestion for their continued spiritual growth: They need more Christian friends.

So our thoughts about sending them to the Christian school were confirmed. Yet when we brought the subject up again with Blondechick, she stuck to her position: She wanted to stay at the charter school, mainly because of her best friend.

The next day, the best friend said that actually, her mom had at one point wanted to send her to the Christian school, and she would ask to go there too! After that news and a tour of the high school, Blondechick became a lot more interested. Meanwhile, she also began a series of talks with her boyfriend in which they discussed her Christian faith in great depth.

After a couple more days of dialogue (and prayer on her parents' part), Blondechick sounded willing to be forced to transfer to the Christian high school, and within a day, she was owning the decision. The boyfriend was upset but quickly resigned himself. Her best friend isn't going to be able to go yet, but maybe second semester or next year.

We had to have placement testing and an interview before they were officially accepted, and for her writing sample, Blondechick wrote candidly about her transforming experience at camp. She and Bantam14 answered the principal's interview questions with surprising (to me) frankness and openness. It was clear that they are spiritually in a very good place!

Blondechick and her boyfriend decided they could still hang out and enjoy their good friendship until school starts, at least. They continue to talk about her faith in Christ. He came to church with her once before she went to camp, and he was visibly affected; he even said so. So who knows what seeds are being planted in this young man's heart and mind?

One thing that Blondechick thought she would have to give up if she went to the Christian high school was a musical production she already was cast in, through the Kenosha Unified School District's Fine Arts program. Actually, she was cast in two projects, but she knew she was going to have to back out of one (a one-act play) anyway. In the other, both she and her good friend from our church were cast as Doo-Wop Girls (a lead part) in Little Shop of Horrors, and it was a big disappointment to have to notify the director that she would no longer be in KUSD.

Imagine her delight, after she had resigned herself to giving up both opportunities, to learn from the director that even though she would be attending a private school, she could remain in the productions if she wished!

In so many ways, we have seen God working all things together for good, even in things that didn't immediately seem good, like the boyfriend and the doors closing to Africa. We have seen God "give back" what we had given up, like her role in the musical and Honey Rock instead of Africa. We have seen God give more than we could ask or imagine, like the life-changing experience that both kids had at camp. Praise Him!

God Works, Part One

I've been hinting at some educational rearrangements that might be in store...and now it's time to share a story of how God has worked in some amazing ways!

At the beginning of this summer, I met a couple, friends of mutual friends, who told me about their four kids' high school experiences, after being homeschooled through middle school. Their first two went to the public high school that Bantam18 goes to, "and they did fine. Only fine...they didn't really bloom spiritually until they went to Christian colleges." They decided to send their last two kids to a private Christian high school, "and they really bloomed in their faith during high school, while they were at that school."

That was how God awakened a desire in my heart, to see Blondechick16 "bloom" spiritually. She did "fine," and more than fine, at the charter school she attended last year. She stood up for her faith when she needed to, and she made a sweet Christian best friend. But among the rest of the student body, and it is a very small one, she didn't find other committed believers to be friends with. She tried several church youth groups, but didn't end up committing to one, and she only did one session with our Christian youth theater group last year. So, other than Sunday mornings, the year was spiritually a wasteland for her.

And it was beginning to show. The most disturbing thing was that at the end of the year, she developed a relationship with a non-Christian boy from her school that quickly became way too serious, in their own eyes at least.

Last summer, we had formed the idea that this summer, we would send Blondechick to Africa on a service mission that would give her some perspective beyond her own self-centered interests. Through Anglican connections, we knew of an orphanage in Rwanda that surely could use help with babies and toddlers, which she loves. We even knew people there in the same town. We had connections elsewhere in Africa too, if that didn't work out.

But when we began to knock on doors last spring, every one slammed shut. And we were grateful, because the Lord's answer was so clear! But what to do with Blondechick? We knew we couldn't let her just hang out with friends all summer. She looked, but couldn't find a job. We talked about sending her to an Anglo-Catholic conference for high school youth, with classes and lectures that sounded fascinating to us, but probably wouldn't have made a dent in Blondechick's psyche. And it was expensive, if you counted the airfare to get her to the East Coast.

In fact, for that amount of money, we could send both her AND Bantam14 (who also needed a better way to spend his time this summer) to Honey Rock, Wheaton College's Christian camp in the north woods of Wisconsin, for TWO WEEKS. And that's what we ended up doing.

A month or so before she left in late July, we planted the idea of maybe switching to the Christian high school for her last two years of high school, and unsurprisingly, she was adamantly against the idea. Her boyfriend and her best friend were both going back to Harborside--of course she was too!

The idea was mentioned a few more times before she left, and she was worried. But we weren't sure. Papa Rooster wasn't certain at all that it was the right thing to do. I was eager to make the decision and move on with the rest of my planning for fall, because we were also discussing sending Bantam14 there for a class or two, if Blondechick went. If she didn't, then I wasn't sure about driving him there and back every day. But every time I prayed, asking for closure, God said, "Wait till she gets back from Honey Rock."

...to be continued!

(A perfect place to leave everyone hanging, as I was for 7 or 8 weeks!)

Meeting Tonight

Tonight is the meeting for all parents interested in getting involved with the new theater group we are helping to start in Kenosha...

...and if everyone who says they're coming, comes, we'll have at least 40 adults and 65 kids there tonight!

I send out an email invitation, encouraging folks to forward it along to their friends and their churches, and then later on, I started a reminder email going. It has been amazing to get all these emailed RSVP's or phone calls from so many people I don't even know!

I am so grateful to God!!

There will be staff coming to run the meeting and explain the program, as well as instructors who will take all the kids, loosen 'em up, and teach them a dance routine to a song from a musical. At the end of the meeting, the kids will come back in and perform for the parents.

Thanks for all your prayers!!

Tuesday Misc.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Have you sung St. Patrick's Breastplate yet?

***

Today's Scripture thought:

But this is what I commanded them, saying, 'Obey My voice, and I will be your God, and you will be My people; and you will walk in all the way which I command you, that it may be well with you.'

Yet they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and in the stubbornness of their evil heart, and went backward and not forward. (Jer. 7:23-24)

Lord, help me incline my ear to your voice, and obey it, and walk in the ways you command. Help me not to to trust in my own counsel, or the stubbornness of my own heart; keep me from evil, and lead me forward in your way, not mine. Amen.

***

I recently updated the prayer requests in my sidebar to add our church member Barbara, our upcoming Holy Week services at Light of Christ, and concerns regarding the start-up of the new theater program.

Thank you, all you prayer warriors, for lifting us up!

And don't miss the praise update there, you who have been praying for Christian friends for our teenagers! Bantam13 now has solid friendships with 4 Christian homeschooled boys, three of whom are also 7th graders, and one is a younger brother. Now there is another Christian boy right down the street that he just met at one of the other boys' houses, also a 7th grader at a private Christian school, who is also becoming a friend. One thing they all have in common is skateboarding, and most of their time together is spent constructing ramps and practicing tricks. Several of them play instruments, and they dream of forming a band someday when they're more accomplished. We're hoping a number of them will get involved in theater with us too! It's been a surprising and wonderful answer to that prayer.

***

Finally, I completely forgot to announce the Lenten Blog Carnival, at Homemaking Through the Church Year! If you need a little inspiration here, halfway through Lent, Jessica has got a nice collection of links, and she's added to it in subsequent posts as well. Check it out for some Lenten encouragement.

And if you're in the mood for Lenten humor, I've discovered (by way of Undercurrent of Hostility) a hilarious blog, written by a Catholic nun, called Ask Sister Mary Martha. Today's post will give humorous yet serious encouragement to those who are fasting this Lent--as most of us should be, she says!

Guilty

Well, it turns out the reason he was cut had nothing to do with his performance, and everything to do with...ME!

Yup, I screwed up big-time in not communicating clearly enough about a conflict we had listed on the audition form. I thought I understood one thing, and really, something else was meant. A tough lesson to learn!

I was so consumed with guilt and "if onlys" playing through my head that I could barely think of anything else, for a few days there. The only prayer I could pray, in the sleepless night hours, was "Lord, have mercy." (Talk about a Lenten experience: If there had been sackcloth and ashes to hand, I'd have donned them, in quantity.)

And He has! He's shown me great mercy. In the ensuing days, Bantam13 has thought of a number of silver linings to the situation, and though he was initially hurt and disappointed, he's come around to feeling just fine about it. He never blamed me, but it's so much easier for me to stop beating myself up about it, now that he's decided it may actually be a good thing. And hey, he'll get to attend his team's robotics competition after all!

I'm so aware that it could have been worse. I'm grateful that this happened with a show that none of us really like much. (That's not sour grapes, either; I'm on record here! ) There wasn't a dream role in it that B13 was hoping for. It's not like Blondechick16 and Bantam10 were both cast and he's the only one who wasn't. As it is, with just one child in the show, and the Munchkins in only one scene--my favorite one, for the record--we probably won't even have to attend as many rehearsals as usual, and that will be helpful, considering the extra responsibilities I'm carrying right now.

I can think all these comforting thoughts today, but yesterday I was still trapped in guilt and the loss of all that we had planned on and hoped for. Because I wasn't feeling up to much else, I started a new book, and there in the introduction was quoted this prayer by Brennan Manning:

May all your expectations be frustrated;
may all your plans be thwarted;
may all your desires be withered into nothingness....
that you may experience the powerlessness
and poverty of a child;
and sing and dance in the poverty of God;
Who is the Father, Son and Spirit. Amen.

Even when we think we know what we are doing...life is not in our control. And that is something to be celebrated!

It's been a good reminder.

Great Day Yesterday

I only have a few minutes, since today is filled with appointments....

But what a wonderful day we had yesterday at Church of the Resurrection!

It was a delight for Father Rooster to lead the liturgy at both services, and by all reports, many were glad to hear his familiar priestly voice. We were able to greet so many old friends, adults and children alike, at both services.

Then several of our good friends hosted the most beautiful open house for us! They thought of everything. There was a fabulous spread of food and drinks. There were slideshows of our family--from way back in the early Rez days, to recent photos at Light of Christ. They took pictures of everyone who came, to go into a guest book later, which everyone signed on their way in. So many of our Rez friends came, and our kids' friends, and even our former neighbors, theater friends, friends from Wheaton College days and homeschooling friends! In the evening there was more food and choice desserts, and a special liturgy of blessing for us, with an open time of sharing memories and ways folks had been blessed by our service at Rez. How wonderful to laugh, cry and reflect on all we had been through together and how amazingly God has worked--even planting the seeds of new works, in our lives and others', many years ago!

Spiritual hindsight is such a gift.

We expected that this day would be a great time of fellowship. But we were unprepared, somehow, for the generous outpouring of love, encouragement and blessing we received. Thank you, dear friends. Thank you, Lord!!

Love Story, cont'd, or, How Baptist Girl Ended Up Anglican, Part Three

Part One
Part Two

After we'd been visiting Rez for just a few weeks, Papa Rooster invited John Fawcett to come up to our apartment to lead a prayer meeting with us and the R’s, let’s call them—the couple we were praying about starting the church plant with. First, he made our old piano ring like it hadn't in years, as we sang worship choruses together. Then we began to pray. John, who had incredible gifts of healing, asked our friend, Mr. R, if he could pray for him, and then he began to pray, with insight that could only have come from the Lord, into a specific situation in our friend’s life that John could have had no earthly knowledge of. It was powerful.

While he was praying for Mr. R., I began shaking. This had never happened to me in prayer before nor has it happened since. I wasn’t cold, but I couldn’t control the shaking, and then John began to pray for me--again, with insight that only could have come from the Holy Spirit. At the time, I barely understood myself what he was praying, partly because it was in tongues—brand new to me--and partly because he kept using a Greek word that I was unfamiliar with. (Another story for another time....)

All I knew was that I was changed afterward--freed, lightened, unburdened in some way--and the sense of God's working was so powerful that one of my first questions, afterward, was, "Can you pray for nonbelievers like that too?" I thought that no one could encounter God in this way and not believe He was real, living and active in this world! (The answer, by the way, was, "Certainly, but they have to be open to Him to some degree.")

Looking back, this prayer time was such a landmark event for all four of us because none of us, in our evangelical churches, had ever really experienced the Holy Spirit working in such a powerful way. (Well, with the exception of PR, who was saved in a Pentecostal church at age 7.) It was mind-blowing and faith-building all at once, and totally changed our view of the third person of the Trinity: He's not an "it," but a Person with a unique ministry.

So after this prayer time, I was more eager to keep going to Rez, but worried about the situation with our friends and the L.A. church plant. Our friends were eager to visit Rez with us, but they didn't connect with it like we did. It was a big leap from Willow Creek’s “seeker sensitive” model to a liturgical service!

After a couple months of trying to attend both Willow Creek and Rez, we decided we would start going full-time to Rez, and inevitably, we decided we weren't going to L.A. anymore to plant a seeker-sensitive church. This rocked the rental house, but it led to many conversations about the seeker-sensitive model and its pros and cons, and the ministry of the Holy Spirit and its place in church. Interestingly, the R's ended up leaving Willow Creek as well, on their own journey through a couple of Vineyard churches and ultimately, wishing they lived close enough to attend Rez, or Light of Christ!

As we prayed afterwards about what the L.A. church plant sidetrack was all about, PR received a word from the Lord about it which has turned out be quite prophetic: “Ishmael.” Like Abraham, trying to make the promise come true, prematurely, he felt that there still was a church plant or “a new thing” to be birthed someday. (And fifteen years later, Light of Christ was born!)

So after 8 months of living in the rental house together—which was a time filled with fun, great worship and prayer times together, as well as tension, as living in community often is—we bought our first home in the summer of '92, a townhome in Warrenville, just minutes from Church of the Resurrection. I was expecting Blondechick in November.

And so began an era in our lives, which would last nearly seventeen years.

Love Story, cont'd, or, How Baptist Girl Ended Up Anglican, Part Two

Part One

So there we were, signing a lease with the other couple to move in together, the better to pray about and plan the church we would plant in Los Angeles. But just before we moved into the rental house, Papa Rooster (who was getting his MBA from the University of Chicago at that time) had a study session that was to change the course of our lives.

Restless and hoping a change of venue would help him focus, he decided to drive down to the Wheaton College library for the afternoon. And who should he encounter there, but his old concert choir buddy, John Fawcett? (The same friend who passed away last year.)

John warmly inquired how PR was doing, and PR decided not to hold anything back. He hated business school, he was depressed, and he was struggling spiritually. Then John spoke the words that he spoke to so many in his lifetime: “Let me pray for you.” As PR tells it, he figured John would go home and pray for him sometime when he thought of it; instead, John led him into his office and proceeded to lay hands on him and pray aloud for him with such insight, PR knew he was speaking God’s own words.

Fast forward a couple of hours, when PR returned to our apartment. I was making dinner, I remember, and within moments of his return home, I noticed such a change that I had to ask him, “What happened to you today?” It was as if a dark, brooding cloud had lifted from him. He seemed once again like the happy, thoughtful PR of college days! He told me about John praying for him, and he concluded, “We’ve got to go visit this church that John is going to. It sounds like what we were looking for back in college!”

Ironically, we were moving into a rental house near Willow Creek so we could stop driving 45 minutes to church…and now here we were, checking out a church that was 45 minutes away! For awhile we attended Willow Creek on Sunday mornings and Church of the Resurrection on Wednesday nights, and then PR wanted to start attending Willow Creek on Saturday nights so we could go to Rez on Sunday mornings, too. He did that a few times, but I was torn. That was a huge part of my weekend to spend in church, it seemed, with a ten-month-old, and when I was still working part-time. (I was a life insurance underwriter--another story, for another time!) Plus, we were committed to starting a Willow Creek-style church plant with this other couple, so we weren't really going to switch over to this Episcopal church. Surely not. Especially not one that far away!

But I was attracted in spite of my objections. The Wednesday night services, which were just a simple liturgy with a teaching and then an opportunity to receive prayer, were so real and sweet. There was no pretense, just a “come as you are” invitation. There was an attitude of “I’m broken, you’re broken, let’s pray for each other” that was so refreshing and honest. People praised God openly, wept openly—no one tried to keep up outward appearances at those prayer services.

Plus, as a new parent, the practicality of a small church was dawning on me. I wanted to get to know other moms, meet with them regularly, and meet a few families with teenage daughters who babysat! At the mega-church, with four services, we could be there for two or three hours every weekend and never see anyone that we knew, besides the couple we lived with. And I really liked the people I was meeting at Church of the Resurrection--they were just so honest and real.

Then we held a little prayer meeting, in our home, that we now look back on as a landmark event.

Love Story, cont'd, or, How the Baptist Girl Ended Up Married to an Anglican Priest

Awhile back, a commenter asked if I would ever continue the love story, especially to explain how I went from being Baptist to becoming Anglican! I thought it was a great idea, and I am finally getting back to it.

So! I believe we left off the love story here, with Papa Rooster and I getting married in a December wedding at the Baptist church I grew up in.

It was our final semester at Wheaton College, and Papa Rooster and I were looking for a new church. We had been attending a Bible church that was close to campus, but the previous semester, PR had taken a Church History class and for a paper, he had researched a fascinating period in American church history: the charismatic revival in the Episcopal church in the 1970’s.

In his research, he had found references to a “three streams, one river” concept which referred to three worship styles—charismatic, evangelical and liturgical—blending together to create a balanced whole. He recognized that this phrase described a church he and his parents had occasionally attended when he was in high school, though it was an hour away: St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Darien, CT (in the days when Fr Terry Fullam was rector; the story of the renewal there is documented in Miracle in Darien). Those services had been as ideal as he could imagine: evangelical teaching, with Spirit-filled worship and spontaneous prayer, in a liturgical structure which contained and shaped the other two.

So we began to try different churches every Sunday, searching for something similar. We tried Episcopal churches, Assembly of God churches, even a Vineyard. But nothing really had that balance.

(Little did we know that just a few years after we graduated, Fr. William Beasley would come to tiny Church of the Resurrection --just barely in existence when we were at Wheaton--and begin to shape it into a wonderful example of a “three streams, one river” church. And it continues to be, to this day!)

We graduated, moved to Des Plaines (another Chicago suburb), and had started trying to plug in at a community church, when, back at Wheaton at a reunion for recent grads, we struck up a conversation with another couple that we had known only by sight in our Wheaton days. Incredibly, we discovered that we lived just blocks away from one another! And so began a friendship that lasts to this day.

These new friends immediately asked us to consider being part of the small group that they were forming. The catch? We had to attend their church, giant Willow Creek Community Church. So we became regulars at this mega-church in its heyday, sitting under Bill Hybels, Lee Strobel and other phenomenal teachers.

Willow Creek was spawning daughter churches left and right at that time (’88-early ’91), and we and the other couple discerned that we were being called by God to start a Willow Creek-style church plant out in Los Angeles. We decided to rent a house together, near the church, so that we could pray and worship and strategize more about this.

And there I shall leave you, holding your sides and laughing at our youthful naivete--please, feel free!--till Part Two.

Swimmin' in the God-Stream

Do you ever find yourself caught up in an inexorable current that you KNOW is the Lord moving and acting?

We feel that way about Light of Christ.

And it's happening again...as I am helping to start up a new chapter of our Christian youth theater group.

(I have been calling it a children's theater group, but I just learned that in the theater world, children's theater is usually put on by adults, for an audience of children; but when children are the actors, it is called youth theater. Isn't it fun to learn something new?)

I first became aware of the current when we were initially thinking about moving to Wisconsin. At a Christmas party two years ago, I asked the executive director if he'd ever thought of expanding north, to Kenosha, and he surprised me by saying, "Yes, many times! And if you guys move there, we'll do it."

Then for over a year, the current was pretty weak. We moved and started taking classes at the nearest outpost of the theater group, and it wasn't too much farther than we had been driving before. My kids were making friends there and were less interested in the idea of starting a new group, and I began to have doubts.

I was just telling the Lord that maybe I had heard wrong, when the very next day, I got an email from the executive director encouraging me to start taking the first steps toward starting a Kenosha County chapter. It was so out of the blue, and so perfectly timed, that I knew it was the Lord thrusting me right into that God-stream.

So I've been making phone calls and writing emails. And on Monday, the executive director came from over an hour away to tour some possible facilities.

And I am so excited to say that we found a theater in which to hold our productions! And we have a wonderful, flexible church facility in which to hold classes, rehearsals, AND a summer camp!

And--exactly as I've been praying--both places seem "not just willing, but welcoming"! What confirmation!

"I can't believe how easily this is all falling into place," the executive director said to me. "I think you have must have something special going on in Kenosha."

(I think so!)

The hardest thing to find, he said, is a theater. The stage has to be big enough for an 80-90 member cast, with nearby dressing rooms for a cast that big, have decent lights and sound, and be available--a sticking point for most of the possibilities I called. Many schools have their own theater productions going on, and in many cases in our district, they use the stage daily as a classroom for the choir or band.

But there is one school in town that rarely uses their stage, and it's the "alternative" high school for unwed mothers, kids on parole and "at risk" students. A few community groups use it occasionally, but that's it.

It's not only available, but also downright beautiful in the old, gilded style (it's the original Kenosha High), and plenty big enough at 1400 seats. The stage is huge, and there are large, little-used girls' and guys' locker rooms nearby which we can use for dressing rooms. Light and sound are adequate, and though the wings are too small for large set pieces, we can deal with that. Especially when the facilities manager there has a fondness for theater and is eager to work with us! (And who knows what "at risk" kids might decide to give theater a try??)

We are thrilled.

I am wondering where else this God-stream is going to take me? I've been encouraged to interview, next summer, for the part-time job of area coordinator for the new chapter.

Two years ago, I'd have said no, I'd be in over my head. (And three years ago, I considered titling this blog "In Over My Head"!)

But today, I wonder if it's where the current is taking me. And there's nothing more exciting than swimmin' in the God-stream!

End of Year Musings

Wow!!

All I can say, looking back at 2008, is, "What a wild ride!"

A year ago, watching a real estate market stopped dead in its tracks, we were waiting a few more weeks to put our house back on the market--for the second time.

We were getting our kids up at 5:45 a.m. every Sunday morning to drive to Wisconsin for church.

Papa Rooster was spending Wednesday evenings with the core team and staying overnight with Our Hero and Mrs. A.

I was washing walls constantly and realizing that yes, we do need to strip the wallpaper in the dining room before we put the house back on the market. Even if it did mean another few days off of homeschooling....

We had so many questions: Would we ever sell our house? Should we step out in faith and buy something in Wisconsin even if our house wasn't sold yet? Should we commit to ten weeks of rehearsals for the next children's theater production? Where will we be in two months? In a year?

And a year later, here we are!

In mid-April, we found an amazing house for a fabulous price, and it seemed clear that we should step forward and make an offer. Three weeks later, the day before we closed on the new house, we accepted an offer on the old one! And four weeks, 9 Oliver performances and one hardwood floor installation later, we moved in.

It was a busy summer of unpacking and checking out our schooling options for the fall. Our two oldest took a summer school class at the local public high school as a trial run, and that experience led us to search for a better option for Blondechick. By God's grace, she ended up at a tiny new charter school that she now loves (despite her initial insistence that we were ruining her life by not sending her to Huge Local High!).

The remainder of the brood were happy to be homeschooled, though hesitant about finding friends in the local homeschool group. But God provided, and through co-op enrichment classes and homeschool gym classes at Carthage College, the Bantams made some good friends which we are so grateful for. And they live nearby!

Our little church plant has grown slowly but solidly, and Papa Rooster and I love the friendships we have with the folks there. Our worship together is a joy, and our small size has so many delights.

Papa Rooster's "day job" has been stressful, with his industry (they provide health care-related data to the government and other businesses) affected by the economy, like all the rest. But we are so grateful for his job and how it provides for our family. And when so many are laying off workers, his company actually hired a man from our church! So now PR has a companion on his 2-hour round-trip commute, and another good friend in his workplace.

A year ago, how could we ever have guessed?

So what does the New Year hold?

Undoubtedly, more than we can ever guess! But at least we know (probably?!) where we'll be living. What a wonderful feeling!

And we know of two big things that seem to be on God's agenda for 2009.

One is a more concerted effort to make our little church known in the community. We are celebrating our 2-year anniversary on Epiphany Sunday, if you can believe it! But we haven't really "launched," as some church planters call it, and in the coming year, we'll be discussing when and how we're going to do that.

The other thing is the starting of a new chapter of our Christian children's theater organization in Kenosha! So far, our family is the connection point for this new venture, and I am helping lay the groundwork. I anticipate that I may be asked to interview for the part-time, work-at-home job of "area coordinator," so I have been praying about whether I should. I am feeling a nudge to go ahead if asked, but I have all kinds of questions for the Lord about how He's going to help me keep all the balls in the air!

But our 2008 experience, like so many other years, has taught me to trust in His answers. They don't always look like the ones I would provide, or in the timing I would pick. But our new house, our new community, the high schools, the homeschool group, and especially our church, are all such wonderful, delightful provisions and places to serve. Better than I could have imagined, and worth the wait!

Now to him who is able to do
immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,
according to his power that is at work within us,
to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus
throughout all generations, for ever and ever!
Amen.

~Ephesians 3:20

Entertaining Weekend

It was not a "deep breath" weekend.

But that's okay. It was filled with friends and fellowship instead! We had friends from church, plus friends who were only in town for a track meet, over for hamburgers on Friday night. It was wonderful to laugh together, and I was intrigued to hear an insider's view on the forthcoming new Anglican province for conservatives in North America.

Saturday we served chili to a family of seven that we are becoming friends with (and enjoyed yummy salad and homemade bread that they brought). He is a pastor in a nearby town, they homeschool, they are not Anglicans, they have a wide age span with their kids just like we do, and they'd been praying for another family like that to be friends with. There's also a unique pastoral need that they know more about than we do, having been in that "pastor's family" role longer, but it is to have Christian friends who aren't in your church to discuss the challenges of ministry with. Did I mention that our kids all hit it off the first time we got together? God is so good.

We've been watching the videos from the Do Hard Things conference with them--a conference for teens, by teens. Two homeschooled brothers started the whole thing with a blog called The Rebelution. Their idea was simple: Reject the current cultural idea that the teenage years are a time of immaturity that may last even past the college years; rise above those low expectations to do hard things for God and your fellow man. It's a challenging message for adults as well as teens--Papa Rooster loved the book as much as our three teens did. Our new friends are thinking they'd like to show the DVDs to their youth group, and we'd certainly consider doing that too, if we had one. (Actually, we do--our three teenagers. So I guess we've just done that!)

On Sunday we had a delightful couple visit our church and join us for lunch. We had never met the young man, but we remember babysitting the young lady when she was three years old! She was the daughter of one of our professors, and he and his wife did our premarital counseling, since we were engaged and in college. And she is now expecting a child of her own. It makes one feel very old.

But the cool thing is that we reconnected through the AMIA/Anglican community (initially through this blog, in fact!). Her parents were always hard-core non-denom/Bible church people, so it was quite amazing to receive an email from her describing her and her husband's journey into Anglicanism, which included a recent move to Wisconsin, to an orthodox Anglican seminary a little over an hour away. We hope to see more of them in the next year that they're there. The young man has already offered to preach some Sunday and give Papa Rooster a Saturday off.

Speaking of which, you should see what we got done last Saturday! I have to snap a few "after" pictures and I will post about it this week. We were so grateful to our friends Stephen and Barbara who made the trek to visit us last weekend--we had a wonderful time with them for lunch--as well as for Stephen's excellent message, and the time it afforded us to knock a big project off our list!

Well, that was the last two weekends...time to get started on my week!

Confirmation Sunday

Our bishop is amazing. Here he is, praying for Bantam17...


...and for Bantam13.

For each one of our 23 confirmands, he prayed an individual, Spirit-led prayer that made you wonder how he could possibly know them so well, never having met them. Only by the power of the Spirit, of course!

We meet in this beautiful old chapel only for feast days or special occasions like today. Even though it's aesthetically worshipful, the space itself is difficult to conduct a service in, because of a large wooden rood screen which divides the space in half. Today, we started out with everyone behind the screen:


Another challenge is having both horizontal and vertically arranged pews!

(I like this shot of Father Rooster, in between his father and his bishop. It was a special Sunday for my husband, with his parents, his brother, his sis-in-law, his niece, his wife and four of his children all confirmed!)

After the sermon, the confirmands came forward and were seated in the choir, up near the altar...

...while the rest of the congregation remained on the far side of the screen.


It worked, but our musicians and the altar were too far away from the congregation when we were all on the other side of the screen. We'll try something different next time.

We were blessed to have so many visitors today, especially extended family members of the confirmands, but also a couple of families who were making repeat visits. (And of course, our intrepid photographer friend from Illinois who took on the lighting challenges with an unfamiliar camera: Thanks, Ray!)

Our soup, bread and salad lunch for 23--(same number, but not the same 23!)--came off fine. We had to eat in shifts, however, since I realized late on Saturday night that although I have table and breakfast bar space for 22, I only have 12 chairs and 4 barstools! (I can no longer put off that trip to IKEA. Must buy: bookshelves, folding chairs.) A small group actually used our dining room-turned-schoolroom as a dining room today, on a school/craft table cleared off just for the occasion--with room to spare!

***

Last year, when we met in the chapel on Pentecost Sunday, a mighty wind blew the doors shut.

Today, we met in the chapel for our Bishop to confirm the baptisms of 23 people and pray for them to be filled and equipped for ministry by the Holy Spirit--and there was flooding all over Chicagoland (of which Kenosha is considered a part).

***

Last night, a group of fathers and sons who were being confirmed met at the same chapel for a prayer vigil, just as a page who was to be knighted spent the night before in church. It was a holy time for all who attended.

At the same time, there was a woman attending a celebration in another part of the building. Many years ago, she had been an alcoholic. She had joined AA and hadn't touched a drink in years, but at this particular celebration, she decided to have one. Then she had another, and she began to fear that she couldn't stop. She went for a walk in the building, praying for God's help, and she came near the chapel where our group was praying. Suddenly, she sensed the power of the Spirit come over her, and all desire for another drink was gone.

This morning, she called one of the dads she had recognized in the chapel to tell him about her experience.

***

Despite the chapel's challenges, it certainly seems that the Holy Spirit meets us in a special way in that place!

Thanks--I Needed That!

This morning I took Bantam17 to an appointment, and afterward, we stopped in at Blondechick15's new school to drop off some paperwork.

I introduced myself and Bantam17 to one of her teachers who had been pointed out to me, and he told me he had been at the huge high school before. ("This is a much better place," he confided. "Your daughter will love it here.") I told him that's where B17 is going, and I mentioned that he'll be in the special education department.

"Oh, that's great--that's better," he told me. "They have a wonderful department. He'll be in good hands there. Who is his case manager?"

I couldn't think of the teacher's name at first.

"Well, they have some really great folks there. This one guy..." and then he said the name of B17's case manager.

"That's it!" I interrupted. "That's his case manager!"

"Oh, you are so lucky!" he told B17. "I was just going to tell you about him.... He's just the best. You're gonna love him."

Then he added, to me, "In fact, he's so good, we tried to get him to come here. But he's pretty entrenched there. Oh, you'll be so pleased."

And with that little exchange, I felt a weight lift from me. I have felt so excited, so peaceful, so good about Blondechick's new school. But I have been feeling doubtful, resigned, yet anxious, about Bantam17's placement at the big school, just praying and hoping that he'll be all right.

This encouraging word was like a refreshing shower, washing away the uncertainty and doubt. I felt, in that down-deep way that you know God is working, that He was telling me not to worry, that He's looking out for B17 too.

Thank you, Lord.

A New School for Blondechick15

We had filled out the forms, paid the fees, walked through her schedule...yet Papa Rooster and I were daily feeling more uneasy about sending our formerly homeschooled, beautiful-but-headstrong daughter off to one of the largest high schools in the state of Wisconsin.

Then in prayer last week, the Lord called to my mind an option that we really had not fully checked out. Before we moved to Wisconsin, a blog reader from Kenosha emailed me, offering to sketch out the options for public and private high school as she knew them, which was so helpful! The most intriguing was a charter school that her daughter attended. However, it had very limited enrollment, and the lottery to get in had already taken place. So I made a mental note to check it out before next spring. Perhaps it could be a Plan B if High School A didn't work out.

Last week as I prayed for Blondechick, wishing there were some other option besides High School A and homeschooling, I remembered the charter school. I felt a strong sense that I should at least make a phone call to find out if it truly was too late to get in.

First I looked it up online. I called Papa Rooster and told him about it, and we agreed that it sounded great. I called the school, left a message, and considered it a fleece laid out on the ground. If somehow she got in, we would know it was the Lord's doing.

I had to wait and pray over the weekend, and then the principal himself returned my call early this week. He said that in the sophomore class, a number students had moved out of the district, and they had just been able to accept everyone on their waiting list. Blondechick was now first in line if there was another cancellation.

I said great; I have a few more questions. As we talked, it became clear that this would be a good fit on both sides. Then he said, "I hate to leave one student sitting there on the waiting list, and odds are that somebody's moved and forgotten to tell us, so--let me crunch some numbers in a couple classes and get back to you." Which he did, yesterday, to say that they'd love to have her!

Papa Rooster and I are just thrilled. Having studied educational philosophies in college and as a homeschooling parent, I am delighted by the wholistic, real-life, hands-on teaching methods this school employs, and its multi-disciplinary approach (e.g. when they study the influenza pandemic of 1918 in history, they study disease in science and read a historical fiction novel about that event and time period in English class). We love its emphasis on character (they get a character grade), the conservative dress code--no jeans, only collared shirts and blouses--and their emphasis on leadership development through wilderness-type experiences.

We love how small it is too. One feature that seems nearly Providential to us is that there are no upperclass(MEN)--it is such a new school that this year there are only freshmen and sophomores. (Another reason we didn't look too closely at first was that it wasn't an option for Bantam17, a junior.) And younger siblings get in automatically, so in two years, it will definitely be an option for Bantam13.

Understandably, Blondechick has been taken aback by this new development. She made friends at summer school, learned her way around the place and was excited by all the opportunities it offered. And the young man who's visited with her three times now at our house will be there--and she won't.

So things are a little tense here in the chickenhouse. This is one of those decisions that you know they'll thank you for later, but it's sure not popular right now.

I keep wanting to tell her more about the school ("And you know what else?") but then I remember that we're ruining her life by sending her there, so I bite my tongue.

I am genuinely sorry to switch things on her so suddenly, but I think even the timing was the Lord's. If I had called earlier this summer and been told there was a waiting list, I doubt we would have pursued it for next year at all. And while I am sympathetic to her emotions about the difficulty of making yet another transition this year, I just feel so much better about this school, I want to sing and dance! But I remain sober in her presence, and we're getting along okay as long as we stay off That Topic.

I'm calculatedly refraining from suggesting we go collared-shirt-shopping. Maybe by mid-week next week?